Thoughts Driven by Values and Fueled by Emotions Transform into Actions

This might surprise you, but values, NOT feelings, drive your choices and behavior. Whatever your thoughts or dreams and whatever actions you take on your own behalf, honor your values and make them real in the world through your behavior (taking action):

  • BE your best and most brilliant and passionate YOU
  • DO that which affirms and esteems YOU
  • HAVE all that BEING and DOING brings into your life

In addition to the principle of “Be, Do and Have,” let’s add the concept of “Being Congruent”: THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, ACTIONS, and BELIEFS all matching.

Whenever your thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs don’t all match each other, your personal YOU is out of integrity. When you are out of integrity nothing (and no one) will bring you joy and the deep satisfaction you long for!

There is no feeling in the world quite like the profound contentment that comes from being congruent. Everything that has gone before it pales into insignificance beside it.

Now you own the proof of your right to be you; own your belief; and act in concert with your values. Now you have a solid permanent testimony to your determination and spirit. Now you are ready to challenge your limiting thoughts and beliefs; break out of the structures that don’t match for you; and create breakthroughs!

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Breaking Out IS Breaking Through!

I like to think of Breaking Out as Breaking Through!

Breaking out means creating breakthroughs!

Breakthroughs are the result of focused thinking, deliberate intention, and taking action.

Before we break out of the limits and structures that don’t match our best and most brilliant and passionate Self, we have to understand what the alternatives are and how to achieve them.

Let’s examine the “how-to” so you can break out of limiting thinking and limiting beliefs; turn your thoughts into action; and generate your break through!

There are Four Basic Principles:

  1. Thought Precedes Feeling
  2. You Can Change Your Thoughts
  3. Values Drive Behavior
  4. Whatever shows up in your life is exactly what you are inviting in

THOUGHT is the lightest, quickest form of energy. Any changes in your thoughts cause a whole series of other changes; and those other changes have the power to affect many dynamics and energies inside you and outside you.

You are always in charge:

  1. You can change your mood
  2. You can change your thoughts
  3. You can achieve a particular desired outcome
  4. You can change your life

Thoughts alone are not enough to make things happen. You need something else to turn your thoughts into actions; and that something else is energy.

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You Take Your Values With You Everywhere!

Where did you get your needs and values?

We all have many needs and values, but everyone is different and your values may be different to those of other people around you. That doesn’t make them wrong, just different. Most of our needs and values are acquired as we grow up and reflect those of the people closest to us during that period. However, our experiences also form strong values as we make judgments about what is important to us.

When you form a relationship, the compatibility of your needs and values will contribute to the strength of that relationship. The plain fact is that we all have needs, and our needs are legitimate. The problem, though, is that many of us may confuse the concept of neediness, something very different, with having real and legitimate needs that can be reasonably met!

Needs are those things that are essential to your doing your best, having your best and being your best. A need can be met by getting something from outside of you. In order for your needs to be met, usually something or someone must change – either in your environment, relationship, calendar or bank account. For example, a need can be for clarity, enough money in your bank account, invitations to social events or more recognition or acknowledgement. You can have the need for food, shelter, control, order, safety and security, encouragement, appreciation or something you feel less tangible.

Values, in contrast to needs, are almost always Continue reading

Tell the Stories of Your Life

Did you know that most of us are naturally predisposed to hear, remember, and tell stories?

And our stories have themes: family history, births, deaths, education, food and recipes, grandparents, journeys, romance, military (war) stories and many more.

So where does one begin to tell one’s stories or start writing them down?

How does one start to review a long and often multi-faceted life? What things are important to include? What events and experiences can be omitted?

The first step…

…is to identify your goal. Don’t be limited by the themes I just mentioned. Storytelling is fun, creative, healing, transforming, connecting, and anything else it becomes for you, the storyteller!

Storytelling is the way you can make sense out of events, experiences and relationships, observe how people interacted, or didn’t, and deepen your understanding of who you are and perhaps why you think, or believe or react the way you do.

Storytelling can be a way to provide a presence and guidance to children when a parent is terminally ill and won’t live to see his or her children through the milestones of life. It is a fun and engaging way to bring back to life, if you will, relatives that have long since died and weave a tapestry of family history that connects children to their heritage.

The second step…

…is to decide if you are going to use a tape recorder or write your stories. If you are writing, I suggest you use a journal-like booklet or a 3-ring binder if you are using a computer.

The third step…

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Relationships Based on Fear Never Feel Good and Always End Badly!

Resist creating relationships because it is safe and you are afraid. Acting from fear can never result in the rich, comfortable relationship that is your heart’s desire.

Avoid making decisions about love relationships based on fear, disillusionment, or a belief that you have to settle. Resist acting on the fear that you aren’t going to find anyone who will cherish you and accept your faults.

Recognize that you can co-create a life-long partnership that will honor, encourage, and nurture your best self.

Recently a teleclass participant told the group that the man she is dating is a wonderful person; takes very good care of her; though there just isn’t the romantic chemistry that she wants to feel. Another teleclass participant complained of missing the attraction that he has felt with other women, yet, his current lady really loves him and treats him better than anyone ever treated him before.

These folks are in conflict about moving forward with their relationships. Little wonder! There seems to be little or no emotional intimacy between them; and the closeness is definitely missing.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter




Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black. Since 1999, I have served high-profile and high net-worth Dual Career Couples, High Performance Couples, and Career Transition Couples who are in trouble. What I know to be true is this: Just because there are competing priorities and tremendous external pressure on your marriage doesn’t mean your marriage has to feel the impact. It means it’s time to find new answers and acquire new skills to get your marriage back to being loving and strong.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com