What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around him or her; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed?

The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear.

You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present inside us immediately, and is very different from the emotional recognition that someone has died; really getting that you will never see his face again; never hear her voice again; never be able to throw your arms around each other and share a bear hug.

The emotional recognition is a normal, natural and necessary process we call grieving.

Recognize that people who are grieving the loss of a loved one – even the death of an elderly person who had a good life and whose death was expected – are experiencing something that is incomprehensible. Inexplicable. Unimaginable. Inconsolable.

And in fact, sometimes people say the most stupid things to people who are grieving – even with the best of intentions.

Don’t Say This to a Grieving Person Continue reading

Build Your Relationship on a Sturdy Foundation

We all have a need for a certain amount of stability in our lives. You’ll find that you have four cornerstones that are the foundation on which your life is grounded. These are:

1.  Your needs and values—the external and internal structures of your life

2.  Your vision—what you want your life to be

3.  Your life purpose—your reason for being

4.  Your mission—the daily choices and behaviors that put into action living on purpose with vision driven by needs and values

These form the basis of your Inner life. Right now, you may not be clear on what some of these are; but they are all there in your subconscious, and help you to make decisions that are right for you.

In my worldview, it is essential to work on these four, so you can be certain you are engaging in your life and your love life with integrity and accurate information and with full awareness about yourself.

Let me explain. Continue reading

Tips for Enlightened Blended Families

Would you be surprised if I told you…

  • One of three Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a stepsibling, or some other member of a blended family.
  • More than half of Americans today have been, are now or will eventually be in one or more step situations during their lives.

You became a blended family because one of you made a decision based on the belief that you could “do this” and that “this will be worth it to be with my Honey!” Those are powerful reasons that deserve your time, attention and energy.

The imperative in front of you is to create a family structure that is a safe and loving place for everyone to grow and be their best self; model respectful, thoughtful, value-driven choices and behavior; and live your best and most passionate life.

Across the pond and around the world, blended families are the most challenging family constellation—for stepparents and for stepchildren!

Dr. Jackie’s Top 15 Tips for Enlightened Blended Families

1.   Don’t try to fit a preconceived role. Be yourself.

2.   Accept that stepfamily members don’t have to love each other, especially right away. You all must behave respectfully toward each other.

3.   Parent with the *End* in mind. Value-driven parenting will help you stay mindful of EVERYBODY’S legitimate needs and avoid power struggles.

Continue reading

Touched by The Heart of A Woman

Mothers have been recognized in special ways for thousands of years, since Ancient Greece.

The month of May is the month that people in many parts of the world specifically celebrate Mothers.

As a tribute to women all across the globe, I am re-printing this wonderful and heart-warming poem written by Bonnie Ross-Parker. Ms. Ross-Parker’s contact information is at the end of this poem if you wish to contact her directly.

“The heart of a woman is as big as life. She initiates conversations with strangers in the bathroom. She recommends the perfect place to find the perfect dress to a woman she meets at the beauty salon. She clips coupons to send to her daughter-in-law. She smiles when she would rather scream, cries when she is happy, and often says “yes” when she means “no.”

A woman keeps the refrigerator full just in case someone stops by unexpectedly. A woman fights for what she believes in by supporting community endeavors with both time and money. She listens to friends, helps with homework, and gives unconditional loves.

Women cry over their children’s accomplishments, during a romantic movie, while reading sentimental cards at a card shop or when opening a special present. Women openly express happiness when hearing about the birth of a baby, an engagement, or a marriage. Women share their emotions from their heart.

Continue reading

There Can Never Be Too Many Loving Words and Actions

One of the Relationship Success Skills that is valuable to remember is to be sure that your words and your actions send the unmistakable message that you care, and that your partner is special and important to you!

Even if you are absolutely certain that your partner knows how you feel and knows that he or she is deeply loved, there is no substitute for using your words and your actions to drive the message home.

You might be a person who is uncomfortable saying mushy things, or it might feel risky to show your vulnerability and act lovey and sweet.

I hear you!

I invite you to stretch beyond your comfort zone and, with deliberate intention, use your words and your actions to send the message that conveys your love and appreciation to your partner.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black. Since 1999, I have served high-profile and high net-worth Dual Career Couples, High Performance Couples, and Career Transition Couples who are in trouble. What I know to be true is this: Just because there are competing priorities and tremendous external pressure on your marriage doesn’t mean your marriage has to feel the impact. It means it’s time to find new answers and acquire new skills to get your marriage back to being loving and strong.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com