Ask Dr. Jackie

When your friends try to fix you up with that wonderful man or woman who they think “will be absolutely perfect for you,” what is your response? 

I can already hear all the moaning and groaning out there.  Believe it or not, the vast majority of men and women, regardless of age, education, ethnicity, and socio-economic background, would rather sit home alone rather than be fixed-up by well-intentioned friends or co-workers.

Why is that, do you suppose?

Last week, I shared some very basic advice surrounding the office romance and how to approach the first level of personal intimacy.  Now you find yourself at the threshold of taking that next step—what should you do now?

What advice do you have for couples whose relationship starts out at work?

Be sure you talk about the risks and downsides related to dating a co-worker BEFORE you decide to begin to date.  BEFORE is the operative word.  Decide and intend to date each other.  Make the dating process as conscious as possible.  Recognize that the majority of people we date are ultimately NOT a match for us, and that is a normal and expected part of the dating process.  If dating couples can't agree to date with this frame in mind, they should not date each other.  They should not engage in fantasy thinking and should not focus on how attracted they are to each other.  This is good advice for anyone dating, as a matter of fact, and especially critical when co-workers date. 

What is the best way to foster a new relationship that begins at work?

Dear Dr. Jackie:  What basic advice do you have when it comes to office romances—dating someone you work with?  What are some basic "do's" and "don'ts"?

Unfortunately too many office romances end in disaster!  The primary reason is that neither men or women are good at setting, maintaining and honoring boundaries; and messy entanglements result; especially if one of the people decides the other is not a good match and wants to, or tries to, end the dating relationship.

Recently I received this email:

“My boyfriend and I have dated for 9 months.  I am annoyed by the fact that he drinks more than I am used to. He occasionally stays out when he says that he is going to come home.  When I bring this up, he blows me off or it becomes an argument.  I really do love him, but I am not used to partying as much as he does.

Dr. Jackie, can a good girl and a party boy really make it together?"

Focusing on the partying behavior is only a distraction.

Wedding season is now in full swing!

Newlyweds throughout the world spend more time, energy and money on their weddings than on building their relationships and divorce-proofing their marriages!

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, premarital education is associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction, lower levels of destructive conflicts and higher levels of interpersonal commitment to spouses.

The results of a survey in four states in the U.S., strongly suggests that couples who received premarital education had a 31% lower chance of divorce.

What does it take to build a healthy, committed, joyful and lasting relationship?