Monthly Archives: January 2007

The Five Freedoms By Virginia Satir (1916-1988)

Virginia Satir was a pioneer in the field of Family Therapy and internationally acclaimed as a therapist, educator, and author. She was known for her special warmth and for her remarkable insight into human communication and self-esteem.

Based on her conviction that people are capable of continued growth, change and new understanding, her goal was to improve relationships and communication within the family unit. Virginia Satir stayed at the forefront of human growth and family therapy until her death in 1988.

I recently facilitated a Couple’s Communication TeleDiscussion and I routinely provide The Five Freedoms in handout materials. No matter how many times I read them, I am always struck by the simplicity and powerfulness of Satir’s ‘Five Freedoms’ and I am moved to a more connected place deep within myself.

I hope they are meaningful to you and would love to hear what you think! Please post your comments using the comment link below

The Five Freedoms
By Virginia Satir

What is here,
Instead of what should be,
Was, or will be

What one feels and thinks
Instead of what one should

What one feels,
Instead of what one ought

For what one wants,
Instead of always waiting
For permission

In one’s own behalf,
Instead of choosing to be
Only “secure”
And not rocking the boat

Until next time remember…

Only YOU can make it Happen!

On Being Single

I bet you didn’t know there are 100 million single men and women in the United States today.

What does being single mean to you?

Being single is not…

  • An affliction
  • A condition
  • An unfortunate state
  • A problem
  • Something that you need to change

Being single is not evidence …

  • that you are not lovable
  • that there is something wrong with you
  • that you need to be better, different or more

Each one of us has a unique purpose. We create meaningful work, rich relationships and a magnificent, fulfilling life when we live on purpose. When we live from our being we live a life in alignment with our vision, values and life purpose. When we live from our being we can genuinely love and be loved by others.

Don’t confuse being single with living a life that is less than. Avoid judging and comparing the lives of others. Richness, passion, satisfaction, fulfillment and personal reward come in many different packages.

Until next time remember…

Only YOU can make it Happen!

About Having Needs and Getting Them Met By Others

It is our personal responsibility to become mindful and stay mindful of our own needs and wants as well as the needs and wants of our partners, children and others in our family and social systems.

I think most of us are better at keeping track of what others need and want than we are staying current with ourselves and our own needs.

  • Are you comfortable with the notion that it is your right to have needs and that you can not meet all your needs?
  • Are you clear about some or many of your current needs? Do you recognize your needs and respect them?
  • Do you have a good understanding of which needs you can meet and which needs can/must be met by others?
  • Do you agree, at least in concept, that it is acceptable and, in fact, reasonable to ask others to meet some of your needs?
  • How able and willing are you to honor your needs and ask others to help you meet your needs?

In the U.S. especially, we are becoming a culture of "do-it-yourselfers." Autonomy, self-reliance, self-sufficiency and independence are too highly valued and I think we are taking some of these behaviors and beliefs to a dangerous extreme.

Some of us are actually excluding others and not taking advantage of help and support when we could or should do so.

I cannot say strongly enough that personal, individual needs are completely legitimate!

And some must be met by others. We cannot meet all of our needs, nor are we "less-than" because we can not. We are simply normal.

If you did not answer YES to the first four bulleted questions above and answer the fifth bullet with a resounding VERY, please take some time and explore your thoughts, beliefs and fears about having needs, meeting your own needs and getting some of your needs met by others.

The whole area of Needs and Wants and getting your Needs met is widely misunderstood and misrepresented.

I invite you to discuss this with the folks in your life — family members, at work and with friends. Let’s start a public dialogue right here.

Please post your thoughts and questions using the comment link below.
I’ll answer your questions and offer my points of view for your consideration.

Please take the time to consider your needs and how you get them met. You’re worth it!

Until next time remember…

Only YOU can make it Happen!

Are New Year’s Resolutions a Set-up for Failure?

How are your New Year’s Resolutions going? Are you successfully achieving your goals? Or have you failed already?

If you are in the miniscule percentage of people who are successfully achieving your goals, congratulations!

For everyone else, don’t give it a second thought if you have already failed and have decided “to heck with that stuff anyway!”

New Year’s Resolutions are a set-up for failure. Changing anything in life when you do so with intention is hard enough, never mind trying to change something based on faulty thinking and faulty planning.

Here’s a simple three-step formula to make any change you wish in your life:

Continue reading

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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