Monthly Archives: September 2009

Thoughts Driven by Values and Fueled by Emotions Transform into Actions


This might surprise you, but values, NOT feelings, drive your choices and behavior. Whatever your
thoughts or dreams and whatever actions you take on your own behalf, honor your values and make them real in the world through your behavior (taking action):

  • BE your best and most brilliant and passionate YOU;
  • DO that which affirms and esteems YOU; and
  • HAVE all that BEING and DOING brings into your life.

In addition to the principle of “Be, Do and Have,” let’s add the concept of “Being Congruent”: THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, ACTIONS, and BELIEFS all matching.

Whenever your thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs don’t all match each other, your personal YOU is out of integrity. When you are out of integrity nothing (and no one) will bring you joy and the deep satisfaction you long for!

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Breaking Out IS Breaking Through!

I like to think of Breaking Out as Breaking Through!

Breaking out means creating breakthroughs!

Breakthroughs are the result of focused thinking, deliberate intention, and taking action.

Before we break out of the limits and structures that don’t match our best and most brilliant and passionate Self, we have to understand what the alternatives are and how to achieve them.

Let’s examine the “how-to” so you can break out of limiting thinking and limiting beliefs; turn your thoughts into action; and generate your break through!

There are Four Basic Principles:

  1. Thought Precedes Feeling.
  2. You Can Change Your Thoughts.
  3. Values Drive Behavior.
  4. Whatever shows up in your life is exactly what you are inviting in.

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You Take Your Values With You Everywhere!

Where did you get your needs and values?

We all have many needs and values, but everyone is different and your values may be different to those of other people around you. That doesn’t make them wrong, just different. Most of our needs and values are acquired as we grow up and reflect those of the people closest to us during that period. However, our experiences also form strong values as we make judgments about what is important to us.

When you form a relationship, the compatibility of your needs and values will contribute to the strength of that relationship. The plain fact is that we all have needs, and our needs are legitimate. The problem, though, is that many of us may confuse the concept of neediness, something very different, with having real and legitimate needs that can be reasonably met!

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I can’t believe I am dating… A-G-A-I-N!

Can we talk?  About this phenomenon called dating, I mean.  Because many contemporary women are less than honest with themselves; and many are even less honest than that with each other.

How you came to be where you are is less important at this point than recognizing and fully, consciously embracing that you are here; alone; maybe lonely maybe not; relying on yourself; stretching and growing in new ways and more deeply every day; and choosing, with deliberate intention, to be in charge of designing and managing the rest of your life.

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Tell the Stories of Your Life and Make Sense Out of Important Life Events

Did you know that most of us are naturally predisposed to hear, remember, and tell stories?

And our stories have themes:  family history, births, deaths, education, food and recipes, grandparents, journeys, romance, military (war) stories and many more.

So where does one begin to tell one’s stories or start writing them down?

How does one start to review a long and often multi-faceted life?  What things are important to include?  What events and experiences can be omitted?

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com