Monthly Archives: October 2009

Intimacy Can be Yours—If You Act on It!

Creating, nurturing and maintaining intimacy in long-term, committed relationships It requires intention, deliberate choice and deliberate action. Nothing about creating intimacy and truly being intimate with another person is unconscious. Closeness is enhanced through purposeful sensitivity, tenderness and respect for each other.

Being congruent is a process in which you value yourself; you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings, and your resources and choices; honor and express your deepest knowing about yourself and be sure that what you say and how you say it match what you are feeling.

There are three good reasons that you and your partner might not always communicate effectively with each other.

First, most people don’t identify their feelings accurately.

Secondly, it is very difficult for most people to find the right words to express how they feel.

Lastly, if they do know how they feel and if they have a few words to accurately express how they feel, most lack the courage to let anybody know.

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Don’t Ever Be Too Busy To Create Intimacy With HIM!

Intimacy isn’t an automatic response. Intimacy isn’t a given because you love someone or feel loved by someone. Intimacy doesn’t come with a commitment or with a marriage license. The basic, fundamental element of intimacy is cherishing each other!

Creating, nurturing and maintaining intimacy in long-term, committed relationships is the toughest and the most worthwhile undertaking one can accomplish.

It requires intention, deliberate choice and deliberate action. Nothing about creating intimacy and truly being intimate with another person is unconscious. Closeness is enhanced through purposeful sensitivity, tenderness and respect for each other.

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The Secret about Your Family’s Imprint on Your Beliefs and Attitudes

We are imprinted, positively and negatively, by the beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviors of those in our families.

For thousands of years people have passed along their wisdom and knowledge and built on the past and moved forward into the future telling each other stories.

Storytelling helps us make sense of our early life and family life, and often provides essential clues about the values, behaviors, attitudes and beliefs that we have embraced and live by, or have rejected and replaced.

Part of learning to tell and write our stories, is recognizing the themes and patterns of family beliefs, attitudes, values and behaviors.

Does your family have a mythology about children, elders, illness, money, expressing emotion, career etc., to which everyone subscribes?

When I introduce the idea of identifying themes and patterns, I frequently offer examples that may spark your thinking and awareness.

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7 Simple Tips to Effective Communication

“Why is communication important in a relationship? Is it the most important part of a relationship”?

First let’s agree that when we use the word communication we are referring to verbal and non-verbal communication.

Verbal and non-verbal language is an essential element for committed relationships, friendships, business relationship and virtually all other kinds of relationships. We depend on making ourselves understood to convey our wants and needs, likes and dislikes, thoughts and feelings, and to make requests of others.

We communicate non-verbally with our faces and our bodies. For example, when we are listening, we might tilt our heads a bit or lean forward toward the speaker. The speaker would likely perceive us to be interested, and listening attentively.

Conversely, if we fidget, sigh, roll our eyes, make any of a number of faces with our mouths and lips (you know what I mean!), we could be accurately perceived by the speaker to be in disagreement, contemptuous, critical, disapproving, etc.

We communicate verbally with the words we choose, with inflection, pitch, decibel level, and cadence. And make no mistake; a speaker’s attitude comes across loud and clear when she or he speaks.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com