Monthly Archives: March 2011

Compromising is an Important Life Skill

Compromising, not unlike setting boundaries, crafting agreements and honoring commitments, is an essential skill for successful dating relationships as well as long-term, primary love relationships.

During a recent TeleRoundtable Discussion I conducted, a gentleman from the UK asked this question: “On a scale of one to 10, how important is it to make compromises in a relationship?”

My answer: “On a scale of one to 10, the willingness and ability to compromise in a dating or long-term love relationship is a 10!”

Knowing how to compromise is absolutely vital to the health and well being of any relationship that you hope to last more than a blink of an eye.

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Whose Job Is It Anyway?

Accept that it’s your job to educate your partner about what makes you feel most loved.

Feeling loved, that is feeling respected, valued and celebrated, is the result of hearing your partner’s words and experiencing your partner’s actions consistently over time.

Feeling loved or happy or satisfied or competent is sourced by each of us, inside ourselves.

Love is not a feeling you feel. It is the result of a combination of words and actions that you interpret to mean love.

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After Divorce: Falling in Love or Falling For Comfort

Healing from divorce is not easy. It is often a long and excruciating process and always brings out strong emotions.

The divorce process frequently leaves people feeling:

  • Lonely
  • Flawed
  • Enraged
  • Undesirable
  • Helpless
  • Empty
  • Emotionally raw and overwhelmed

An important part of divorce is the repair process. The repair process includes learning to honor and heal the many normal and natural emotions of divorce:

  • Anger at yourself and your ex-partner;
  • Shame and guilt that haunts you and keeps you stuck and unable to think about many of the alternatives and possibilities;
  • Sadness and despair over the loss of the relationship;
  • Anxiety over the disruption of the family;
  • Loss of a lifetime of hopes, dreams, expectations.

I recommend that clients wait to start dating until they have completed the repair process and regain some of their personal strength and resilience. I strongly urge clients not to move in with anyone or get into a committed relationship during this all-important process.

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The Little Things STILL Mean a Lot!

Over the last decade or so ‘life’ seems to have gotten busier and more rushed.

People are over-extended and over-committed, and trying to meet multiple deadlines and address often conflicting priorities. Travel is easier and more affordable. Leisure time options are more plentiful. For many reasons most of us are on-the-go – doing, doing, doing!

And children all over the world seem to be over-stimulated and over-scheduled. There is hardly any time to day-dream or lay in the grass and watch the clouds move overhead anymore!

That’s why it is more important than ever to carve out precious moments to “do the little things” for the people who mean a lot to us and to let them know how much they matter.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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