Monthly Archives: October 2011

Yuck! I Hate Blind Dates!

When your friends try to fix you up with that wonderful man or woman who they think “will be absolutely perfect for you,” what is your response?

I can already hear all the moaning and groaning out there.  Believe it or not, the vast majority of men and women, regardless of age, education, ethnicity, and socio-economic background, would rather sit home alone rather than be fixed-up by well-intentioned friends or co-workers.

Why is that, do you suppose?

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Your Marriage is Like a Tabletop With Four Sturdy Legs

Coupleship is a way to perceive and structure a long-term, primary monogamous relationship.

Emotionally intelligent couples have certain things in common.  They are committed to mutual and reciprocal respect, encouragement and affirmation; they can easily and elegantly offer and receive an apology; and they speak with each other in feeling vocabulary that keeps them open (undefended) and emotionally available to each other!

Think about Coupleship as a tabletop being supported by very sturdy legs.  The sturdy legs are:

  1. Beliefs and Values of each partner
  2. Personal Style and Temperament that each partner brings in to the Coupleship
  3. Commitments each partner makes to the Coupleship and to his or her partner
  4. Agreements each partner makes to the Coupleship and to his or her partner

Today let’s explore Personal Beliefs, Values, Style and Temperament.

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The Road to Successful Love is Called INTER-Dependence

Coupleship is a way to perceive and structure a long-term, primary monogamous relationship.

Here are several essential concepts to understand and embrace:

Concept #1:

The basic attitudes of Coupleship are:

  • Mutual and Reciprocal Respect
  • Mutual and Reciprocal Encouragement
  • Mutual and Reciprocal Affirmation
  • Ability to Offer an Apology
  • Ability to Receive an Apology
  • Learn and Practice Feeling Vocabulary

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Avoid Building Your Relationship on Quicksand

We all have a need for a certain amount of stability in our lives.  You’ll find that you have four cornerstones that are the foundation on which your life is grounded.  These are:

  1. Your needs and values—the external and internal structures of your life
  2. Your vision—what you want your life to be
  3. Your life purpose—your reason for being
  4. Your mission—the daily choices and behaviors that put into action living on purpose with vision driven by needs and values

These form the basis of your Inner life.  Right now, you may not be clear on what some of these are; but they are all there in your subconscious, and help you to make decisions that are right for you.

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Stress is Just a Fact of Life—How to Live Life Without It

Stress is not pressure from the outside:  Challenges at work or at home, money problems… Those are the stressors.

Your response to those situations, those stressors, is what we call stress.

This distinction is important. Stressors are the multitude of daily occurrences that require you to adapt. Stress is your response as you attempt to make the adjustment.

Stress can be positive or negative. Meeting a deadline, preparing to drive on ice, making it through a crisis on raw courage, cramming for an exam, making a terrific impression at a job interview or an audition, walking into a room full of strangers at a party, are all defined as positive stress.

Stress can also be destructive. It can turn into distress. It can gnaw away at you and sap your energy over the months and years.

Violin strings need just enough tension to make beautiful music, but not so much tension that the strings snap. That is the way it is for people and stress. Each of us has a level of stress that is positive and not harmful.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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