Monthly Archives: February 2013

How to Offer an Apology

For most of us, offering an apology feels awkward or uncomfortable.

For one thing, we don’t have a lot of practice.  For another thing, the concept of apologizing is often associated with being “bad” or “wrong.”

Consider thinking about an apology as a behavior that says, “You matter to me.  I am sorry for doing or saying something that has hurt your feelings or made YOU feel badly.”

There is nothing in that sentence of intention about YOU being “bad” or doing anything “wrong”!

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When to Apologize

If your Honey is hurt or offended by something you said or didn’t say, or did or didn’t do, his or her upset is not an indictment of you.  It doesn’t mean you are a bad person.  It doesn’t even mean you did something bad or wrong.

In fact, it may not mean anything at all about you. It is definitely a message about your partner.  And an apology is in order.

Please know that your partner’s hurt or upset is a message to you about him or her.  The message is: What you did or said by commission or omission didn’t land right.

In committed relationships that are loving, mutually respectful and based on good will and good intention, it is important that both partners be alert as to how your words and actions affect and impact one another.

As a loving partner it matters to you if your partner’s feelings are hurt.

Defensiveness, shifting the blame, being disparaging, trying to make light of the hurt or offense is unkind and disrespectful.  If you engage in any of that adolescent behavior, stop it!

Begin practicing the fine art of apologizing today!  It is well worth the effort.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
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Stop Complaining and Start Celebrating Love

Relationships are like bank accounts.  If you keep pulling money out without making deposits you will go bankrupt.  What does the balance sheet of your love life look like?

You know, relationships are living breathing entities.  Our investment of deliberate intention, and focused time, energy and attention is the order of the day.  Your relationship can’t wait until it is convenient for you; or until you have finished everything on your to-do list; or until you are at leisure.

Being a successful Honey and being a successful career person at the same time requires some serious intention, investment and commitment from both partners.  Relationships grow and flourish when both people show up and make consistent deposits.  One person alone, even if that one person makes huge deposits, cannot build and maintain a joyful, satisfying relationship for both of you.

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It’s Valentine’s Day again!  Let Valentine’s Day this year be the bell of awareness ringing in your ear, reminding you to carve out the time to connect with the one who stole your heart.  Retailers and Madison Avenue would like us to all rush out and buy chocolate; flowers, mushy cards and teddy bears.  But consider this instead:

If he takes Fido out for his 10:00 pm walk every night, why not offer to do it for him the next four or five nights.  Or if pulling the trashcans out to the street is his job, take the trashcans out for the next couple of weeks and give him a break.  Or tell her that you are going to grab the kids and take them away on Saturday morning so she can have the house all to herself for several hours and then all meet up for lunch somewhere at noon.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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