Monthly Archives: August 2013

Choose Your Partner As If You Only Get One Chance

One of the most frequently asked questions I hear is, “How do I choose the right partner and build a healthy, loving and lasting relationship?”

Most couples find themselves without personal experience or good models of healthy relationships and wind up feeling inadequate or unsure about how to build a healthy, lasting committed relationship.

In a healthy relationship…

  • Each partner values the open sharing of thoughts and feelings.
  • There is a routine or regularity to events.
  • Conflict occurs and partner’s work to resolve disagreements, upsets and hurts by talking it out together.
  • Partners communicate clearly; they say what they mean and mean what they say.
  • Partners care about each other and how they feel; they are responsive to the feelings and needs of each other.
  • Each partner sets boundaries, both physically and emotionally.
  • Each partner interacts with, and is involved in the larger world.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
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Commitment: Relationship Accountability & Agreements

To continue our discussion about the importance of commitments made by partners in a relationship, this week we will explore the essential steps needed to create the foundation on which to build a loving and strong committed relationship.

What is Accountability?

Being held accountable means we accept responsibility for the results of our choices, decisions and behaviors instead of blaming others or external factors. Individuals who believe they are in charge of the quality and direction of their lives, rather than victims of circumstance, are empowered to move forward. They focus on solutions, not problems, and they move forward towards the goals and commitments of their shared vision and purpose, both as individuals and as a couple.

Successful Commitments and Agreements

Couples who have clarified their own personal values, and individual and couple visions and purpose have a stronger foundation from which to commit to their agreements and achieve more consistent and satisfying results. Their overall effectiveness in making and honoring agreements is greatly increased. Success is an almost certainty when both partners keep their agreements and most certainly can be at risk if one person doesn’t keep his or her agreements.

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Commitment: What Are You Committing and To Whom?

Do you make commitments? If so, to whom do you make commitments? What do you make commitments about? What does making a commitment mean to you?

Do you honor the commitments you make? Do you expect others to honor their commitments?  Absolutely? Mostly? Nearly always?

I have recently been rudely awakened to the unfortunate reality that commitments made by partners in committed relationships may not mean what they used to. I am outraged and alarmed to say the least!

For the last several years articles have appeared in traditional magazines and on the Internet reporting on the surge of workplace romance between happily married men and women. 

Do you know about the Internet chat rooms geared specifically for married people like Yahoo’s “Married and Flirting” or Microsoft’s “Married But Flirting”?

Previously, shortly before her death, I had the great pleasure of interviewing Shirley Glass, Ph.D. on my radio show. Dr. Glass is considered one of the world’s leading experts on infidelity and the author of NOT “Just Friends”: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal.

Dr. Glass explains that there is a new crisis of infidelity occurring in the workplace. “In the new infidelity,” she says, “one doesn’t have to have sex to be unfaithful, and infidelity is not between people who are intentionally seeking thrills, as commonly believed. Good people in good marriages-men and women who say they are happily married-are unwittingly forming deep, passionate connections before realizing that they have crossed the line from platonic friendship into romantic love.”

What is happening to honoring commitments and agreements in committed relationships today? Perhaps in this new world of high tech information, instant gratification and instant messaging we have misplaced the art of creating and honoring commitments and agreements.

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Are Solitude and Loneliness Different?

Have you ever wanted some time alone?

The notions of solitude, loneliness and being alone are often confusing or misunderstood, especially by committed partners.

One way to look at this is to say that solitude is the joy of being alone while loneliness is the pain of being alone.  Being alone is not necessarily to be lonely.

Being alone involves only physical separation. Being lonely includes spiritual and psychological separation, or isolation.

According to author Richard J. Foster, “solitude is an inner fulfillment, while loneliness is inner emptiness.  Solitude is a voluntary retreat from the company of other people and loneliness seems beyond our control.”

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com