Monthly Archives: February 2014

Do You Know When to Stop Dating Someone?

If you date men or women long past the point when you are still exploring whether or not she or he is your ideal match, take heart! You are in the vast majority of people around the world. This phenomenon is not regional, generational, or related to education, or socioeconomic circumstances.

Being willing or able to recognize that someone is a good match or not a good match for you, and stop dating him or her, seems to be a universal dilemma.

Let’s review a few of my Dating Basics:

  • Dating is a process and you are dating to find your ideal match.
  • Recognizing that the men or women you are dating are not a match for you is the point of the dating process.
  • It is highly likely that you will date a number of people who will not be your ideal match and that many of the people you are dating will recognize that you are not their ideal match.
  • Ending the dating process is the only next logical step to take if we agree that the point of dating is to find our ideal mate.

Let me tell you a story that makes this much more complex than a philosophical question.

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Stop Complaining and Start Celebrating Love

Relationships are like bank accounts. If you keep pulling money out without making deposits you will go bankrupt. What does the balance sheet of your love life look like?

You know, relationships are living breathing entities. Our investment of deliberate intention, and focused time, energy and attention is the order of the day. Your relationship can’t wait until it is convenient for you; or until you have finished everything on your to-do list; or until you are at leisure.

Being a successful Sweetheart and being a successful career person at the same time requires some serious intention, investment and commitment from both partners. Relationships grow and flourish when both people show up and make consistent deposits. One person alone, even if that one person makes huge deposits, cannot build and maintain a joyful, satisfying relationship for both of you.

Do you spend more time each week watching television or commuting to work than you do alone with your Beloved? Or are you too busy to even have a beloved?

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The REAL Gift for Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day again! Let Valentine’s Day this year be the bell of awareness ringing in your ear, reminding you to carve out the time to connect with the one who stole your heart. Retailers and Madison Avenue would like us to all rush out and buy chocolate; flowers, mushy cards and teddy bears. But consider this instead:

  • If he takes Fido out for his 10:00 pm walk every night, why not offer to do it for him the next four or five nights.
  • If pulling the trash cans out to the street is his job, take the trashcans out for the next couple of weeks and give him a break.
  • Tell her that you are going to grab the kids and take them away on Saturday morning so she can have the house all to herself for several hours and then all meet up for lunch somewhere at noon.

You get the picture. Really focus in on the one you love and come up with the 4 most loving behaviors you can think of and make a gift of your time and energy.

Don’t miss the sweetness and the joy you will both experience by reaching out and connecting with each other from the center of your being and the bottom of your heart. That’s the real meaning of Valentine’s Day.

Make this Valentine’s Day the most personal Valentine’s Day yet!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
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It’s Almost Valentine’s Day!

Is this a day you are looking forward to? Or dreading?

In my experience, women are more triggered by Valentine’s Day forgetfulness or inattention than men. So, in the spirit of averting a Valentine’s Day disaster in your relationship, this Tip is for the ladies!

Are you excited about showing your love and affection; and letting that special man in your life know how much he means to you?

Do you find yourself worrying that your Honey might forget to plan ahead and not send you flowers, buy Godiva Chocolate or that tennis bracelet you’ve been hinting you really want to have?

Check out your expectations about “being remembered” and the meaning you make related to certain behaviors.

For example:

  • He bought me beautiful flowers: He loves me. He is so thoughtful.
  • He gave me a very sweet card: He loves me so much and thinks I am special.
  • He sent me a card from the kids: He is so wonderful and I am so important to him.
  • He didn’t even go to the grocery store and buy flowers: He is so uncaring and unappreciative about everything I do.
  • He didn’t even get me a simple card: He’s so thoughtless and doesn’t appreciate me.

Heads up, ladies!

Valentine’s Day is not the designated day of the year that your partner is tasked with proving to you that he loves you and that you are special and the center of his world.

Valentine’s Day is just like every other day! It is another rich opportunity for emotionally intelligent partners to co-create the celebration that matches their love, commitment and joy of being together.

If you are looking for evidence that you are special or loved, you and your relationship are in trouble!

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com