Monthly Archives: March 2014

Stop Making These 3 Relationship Mistakes Now

My friend, best-selling love and relationship author Arielle Ford, has some seriously fascinating new research results I knew I had to pass on to you.

It shows that as complicated as relationships can be, there are really just a few simple mistakes that make an otherwise good relationship go bad:

  • You aren’t being good sharers. And this isn’t about sharing bank accounts or closet space; it means sharing what you think, what you love and who you really are. Couples with a high degree of intimacy—who shared their innermost thoughts—were 62% more likely to describe their relationship as happy.
  • You don’t argue enough (seriously!) But you have to argue in the right way, with respect, care and love, focused on finding compromises and solutions to any disagreements that arise (and they do arise!) When couples experience conflict, they are 45% less likely to feel pessimistic about their relationship if they can recognize feelings of caring from their partner during the disagreement.
  • You aren’t friends . . . or at least you don’t act like it. Friends support each other when needed, enjoy each other’s company, and make each other laugh. In studies of people in happy relationships lasting more than three decades, the quality of friendship between the partners was the single most frequently cited factor in the relationship’s success.

I encourage you to take a look at your current relationship or, if you’re not in a relationship now, look back at one that ended. Do any of those mistakes sound familiar to you?

If they do, the good news is that you can turn those unhealthy patterns around. . . fast!

In the upcoming, all-new Art of Love Relationship Series hosted by Arielle, you’ll discover all the leading-edge tools, techniques and insights you’ll need to help you do exactly that, and then adopt the right relationship skills you need to support a more connected, more satisfying relationship than you’ve ever had before.

And the whole series is absolutely free!

Register for the Art of Love at No Charge

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Divorce is a Legitimate Choice

For many men and women in a wide variety of situations divorce is a legitimate and appropriate choice.

Getting divorced is a process and consists of 3 main elements:

  • Emotional
  • Financial
  • Legal

Healing from divorce is not easy.  It is often a long and excruciating process and always brings out strong emotions.  The divorce process frequently leaves people feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, helpless, empty and emotionally raw and overwhelmed.

If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, the best recommendation I have is to put together a team of knowledgeable, experienced professionals who will work on your behalf for the best possible outcome for you!

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Living from the Heart

Many people mistakenly believe that when thoughts and actions come from our hearts it means that we are somehow weak; or vulnerable to being taken advantage of; or that we lack conviction or “backbone.”  Nothing could be further from the truth!

Intentional Thoughts and Behaviors From Your Heart

When I think about “From the Heart” these words come to mind:

  1. Compassion
  2. Empathy
  3. Forgiveness
  4. Humility
  5. Patience
  6. Tenderness
  7. Hope
  8. Gratitude, appreciation, or thankfulness

Let’s consider these eight behaviors related to our intentional thoughts and actions.

Compassion means we care enough to understand and respect the emotional state of another person; that we have a desire to show special kindness to those who are suffering; and reduce their suffering if we can.  Being compassionate refers specifically to our intentional behaviors; and behaviors that specifically seek to benefit others by alleviating or reducing their suffering.

Empathy is specifically related to our ability to recognize, perceive and f-e-e-l the emotions – specifically the pain or suffering – of another person. You’ve heard the expression, “…walking in another person’s shoes…”  Empathy is literally stepping outside of ourselves into the internal experience of another person; and having a kind of emotional resonance with them.

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Building a Healthy Relationship that Will Last

One of the most frequently asked questions I hear is, “How do I choose the right mate and build a healthy, loving and lasting relationship?”

Most of us find ourselves without personal experience or good models of healthy relationships and we feel inadequate or unsure about how to build a healthy, lasting committed relationship.

In building a healthy relationship…

  • Each partner values the open sharing of thoughts and feelings.
  • There is a routine or regularity to events.
  • Conflict occurs and each partner works to resolve disagreements, upsets and hurts by talking it out together.
  • Partners communicate clearly; they say what they mean and mean what they say.
  • Partners care about how each other and how they feel; they are responsive to the feelings and needs of each other.
  • Each partner sets boundaries, both physically and emotionally.
  • Each partner interacts with and is involved in the larger world.

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Making Sense of the Dating Process

Dating is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end.  Very importantly, the process is different depending on why you are dating.

If you are Dating to Find Your Ideal Partner, be crystal clear about it; the more you know what you want the more likely you will be successful finding your ideal partner.

If you are Dating For Friendship or to Create Social Opportunities take the time to find the right words to let the men or women you are dating know that is why you are dating; be clear about not being ready for a committed relationship.

Be a good observer of your feelings and behavior.  Be willing to let the people you date experience you, in the places in which you are the most comfortable doing the things that you most love to do.

Stop Dead-end Dating

If your goal is to find your ideal partner, then stop dating the person you are dating as soon as you recognize that she or he is not your ideal match; don’t keep dating just because it is convenient.  Approach dating as a process of discovery, realizing that the end of the process is discovering your ideal match; it will save you lots of wear and tear on your emotions.

Identifying Your Ideal Match

We create our life and our love life through our beliefs, intentions and the actions we take in the world.  Vision, Needs/Values, Life Purpose and Mission are the four corners, the foundational pieces of each person’s inner life.

Self Knowledge & Partner Knowledge

The more you know what you want in your life, the more successful you will be, so create an image of your life with your ideal partner that includes anything and everything you ever wanted, using as many rich details as you can.

Become an expert on BOTH you and your ideal partner by identifying major life areas that are important to you both, and then imagine how you might like your ideal match to express herself or himself in each area.

Bring a fresh curiosity to each new person you meet.  Hear, see, and react to him or her; and not to an old image of a previous experience.  Appreciate yourself for your courage and trust that your efforts will be richly rewarded.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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