Monthly Archives: May 2014

What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around him or her; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed?

The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear.

You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present inside us immediately, and is very different from the emotional recognition that someone has died; really getting that you will never see his face again; never hear her voice again; never be able to throw your arms around each other and share a bear hug.

The emotional recognition is a normal, natural and necessary process we call grieving.

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Your Marriage is Like a Tabletop With Four Sturdy Legs

Coupleship is a way to perceive and structure a long-term, primary monogamous relationship.

Emotionally intelligent couples have certain things in common.  They are committed to mutual and reciprocal respect, encouragement and affirmation; they can easily and elegantly offer and receive an apology; and they speak with each other in feeling vocabulary that keeps them open (undefended) and emotionally available to each other!

Think about Coupleship as a tabletop being supported by very sturdy legs.  The sturdy legs are:

  1. Beliefs and Values of each partner
  2. Personal Style and Temperament that each partner brings in to the Coupleship
  3. Commitments each partner makes to the Coupleship and to his or her partner
  4. Agreements each partner makes to the Coupleship and to his or her partner

Let’s explore Personal Beliefs, Values, Style and Temperament.

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The Road to Successful Love is Called INTER-Dependence

Coupleship is a way to perceive and structure a long-term, primary monogamous relationship.

Here are several essential concepts to understand and embrace:

Concept #1:

The basic attitudes of Coupleship are:

  • Mutual and Reciprocal Respect
  • Mutual and Reciprocal Encouragement
  • Mutual and Reciprocal Affirmation
  • Ability to Offer an Apology
  • Ability to Receive an Apology
  • Learn and Practice Feeling Vocabulary

Concept #2:

Your relationship is based on your good will and good intentions.

In a healthy Coupleship, your fundamental beliefs about yourself and your partner are:

  • I am involved and invested in your present and your future.
  • I value and respect you.
  • I honor and support your feelings as if they were my own!

Concept #3:

Coupleship readiness requires two whole (independent) people committed to working together and being focused on being inter-dependent.

Please notice, I didn’t say being dependent or independent!  Neither dependence nor independence is a particularly valuable way of being together with someone when you are building a co-created, mutual, reciprocal relationship or Coupleship.

In order to be inter-dependent in your Coupleship, you must first develop Personal Independence in these four basic ways.

  1. Emotional Independence—Each partner takes responsibility for his or her own feelings
  2. Social Independence—Each partner has the capacity to make and maintain friends
  3. Physical Independence—Each partner takes responsibility for taking good care of his or her own body including weight, exercise and personal hygiene
  4. Financial Independence—Each partner contributes financially or “in-kind” to the Coupleship

After you learn and practice Personal Independence you can bring those skills to your Coupleship and become Inter-dependent with another person who has also learned and practiced Personal Independence.

Next time we’ll explore more about Inter-dependence and the concepts of Values, Style and Temperament in your Coupleship.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
Scan the QR Code and download your Free MYMARRIAGECOACH App

World’s Toughest Job

Of 2.7 million people who saw a job posting by a Boston agency for a ‘director of operations’ position, just 24 applied. That’s likely because of the brutal requirements.

The website rehtom.net posted the job and paid for ads, hoping to get the right applicant. So what is required from the right applicant? Here’s the actual post and job description:

Job Description

Operations Management: Director of Operations

Area of Talent: Managers/Directors/Administrators

Position Type: Full-Time

Location: Rehtom Inc.

Shift: Full-time, 24/7 on call

Salary: Pro bono/unpaid

Position Summary:

Rehtom Inc. is seeking a Director of Operations for its long-term development department. The primary responsibilities of the director are to provide day-to-day management, leadership and support to up-and-coming development associates.

Essential Duties & Job Responsibilities:

  • Oversee the overall day-to-day success and development of all associates. They are fully dependent on you.
  • Provide appropriate solutions to satisfy all associate needs, including but not limited to comfort, security, support, growth, knowledge, well-being, structure, consistency, discipline, acknowledgment, preparedness, safety, mobility, capability, facility and tranquillity.
  • Track daily, weekly and monthly associate development against assigned goals and expectations.
  • Process high volumes of incoming and outgoing projects, deliveries, requests, complaints, feedback and special orders from associates and corresponding outside vendors.
  • Provide operational leadership to multiple associates at once.

Requirements:

  • Must be able to work 135+ hours a week
  • Ability to work overnight, associate needs pending
  • Willingness to forgo any breaks
  • Work mostly standing up and/or bending down
  • Must be able to lift up to 75 lbs. on a regular basis
  • Ph.D. in psychology or real-life equivalent
  • Crisis management skills a must
  • Ability to manage a minimum of 10-15 projects at one time
  • Ability to communicate at all levels (basic to advanced)
  • Ability to improvise
  • Proficient in handling sticky situations (literally and figuratively)
  • Ability to coordinate multiple, often conflicting, schedules
  • Ability to make independent decisions on behalf of others
  • Ability to work with associates with minimal ability
  • Ability to work in a chaotic environment
  • Frequent travel; minivan driving experience a plus
  • Excellent interpersonal skills and a collaborative approach
  • Flexible when it comes to surprise requests
  • Demonstrated knowledge and experience in negotiating, counseling and culinary arts
  • Unlimited patience
  • Understanding of social media, mobile devices and video games
  • Understanding of finance
  • Understanding of medicine
  • Selflessly driven
  • Valid driver’s license, CPR certification and Red Cross membership
  • Ability to wear several hats, professional and domestic
  • Positive disposition at all times

Benefits:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension and no paid holidays are offered, this job provides infinite opportunities for personal growth and rewards. Emotional fulfillment and extraordinary impact on associate success provides a lifetime of purpose and meaningful connection.

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Job applicants for World’s Toughest Job get a big shock

Those requirements all for a job that pays $0. So who would hire for a such a job? Only one way to find out. Click play to watch their interviews and real-time reactions and, believe us, it’s worth it to watch to the end.

 

 

© Copyright 2000 – 2014 WorldNow and KOKH. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted with permission.

 

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
Scan the QR Code and download your Free MYMARRIAGECOACH App

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com