Monthly Archives: January 2015

Self-Esteem is Created Consciously with Intention

Self-esteem is a term that many people toss around, and I bet that the vast majority of you don’t really understand what in the world Self esteem really means.

For a moment, I invite you to consider that Self-esteem–esteeming one’s Self–is really code for the conscious knowing that you are at choice every minute!

Self-esteem is your willingness and ability to honor your legitimate needs; to say your real “yes” and your real “no”; to set and maintain your boundaries; and to act on your own behalf.

Self esteem is the willingness and ability to positively impact, affect and influence people and events around you.

You have an inner guidance system that drives you and guides your choice-making whether you are aware of it or not. Your system includes:

  • Vision
  • Life-purpose
  • Mission
  • Needs/Values

Your Self-esteem is deeply informed by the level and the extent of your awareness of your inner guidance system, and your deliberate intention to live consciously and be at choice.

What so many people forget is that lasting happiness, peace of mind, deep and joyful love, abundance, physical and emotional health are created primarily through who you are being rather than what you are doing or having.

You create your life and your love life through your beliefs, intentions, and the actions you take in the world.

Let’s look at each of these separate yet inter-related parts of the four corners of your inner life: Continue reading

What Do You Mean You Need Space?

Has anyone ever told you she or he needed “some space”?

All too often men and women are threatened by their partners needing or wanting “space”—an opportunity to enjoy solitude.

They somehow feel that if their partners really loved them they wouldn’t want to be apart from them. Or they take it personally and project that they have done or said something that has offended their partner and she or he now wants to get away.

Nothing could be further from the truth!

If you get lonely or feel rejected when your partner wants to take some personal time, examine your fears and your attitudes.

If you feel the pain of loneliness or fear when your partner needs to create a time for solitude, please remember that you are reacting to real experiences in your past; not what is happening right now, in the present moment, with your partner.

These feelings and fears inside you are not about what is happening between you and your partner right now. They have preceded him or her by decades.

It is healthy and actually good for both partners and good for the relationship for partners to take time to be alone. It does NOT mean anything about you or your relationship. Rather, it is a message from your partner about his or her need to be present, listen to the quiet inside, and experience his or her “Me‑ness.”

Creating opportunities for solitude and becoming comfortable in your own company are skills you can learn and which will be tremendously beneficial throughout your life.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
Scan the QR Code and download your Free MYMARRIAGECOACH App

Does Fantasizing Betray Marriage Trust?

Ask Dr. Jackie:

I am happily married with 2 children—or so I thought. Recently, an old flame found me on Facebook and we have been reminiscing about the old days when we were lovers. He is also married with a child, and although we both know that we will never be together—I will not break up my home to be with him—I can’t help but always think of him and fantasize about him. I feel like I can’t control my impulses and want him so badly. Should I confess this to my husband and roll with the punches or should I keep this little secret to myself?

Dr. Jackie Answers:

Break off all contact with this man immediately! You are playing with fire! You are putting your marriage at risk and you are seriously out of personal integrity!

Affairs of the heart are very dangerous to the people engaged in these kinds of extramarital relationships and extremely damaging to the partners of these folks when they find out or figure it out…and they a‑l‑w‑a‑y‑s do!

Continue reading

Invitation to Take Stock and Design Your Life

It’s hard to believe that 2014 is over and 2015 is here.

The beginning of the year is a good time to take stock; to examine where we’ve been; where we are now; and where we want to go this year.

I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on the various aspects of your life.

  • What accomplishment are you very proud of?
  • What goal did you have that wasn’t realized?
  • Did you experience any losses or disappointments? Have you spent time grieving the hurt associated with the loss or disappointment?
  • Anything unexpected happen? Have you expressed your gratitude?
  • Is there a task or an endeavor that is incomplete that you want to complete or bring closure to this year?
  • Do you still need or want to do or say something to someone?
  • Do you have a dream for 2015? And a plan to make it a reality?

This is just a partial list that I want to invite you to use to spark your personal inquiry.

My amazing Grandmother used to say, “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” Loosely translated, that old saying reminds us to stay actively engaged in our lives and to resist becoming complacent.

Be the architect of your life. Don’t wait for something to happen. Design your life and your love life for the rest of your life and be sure your design matches your vision for your life; your values; and your life purpose.

Don’t settle; compromise; or negotiate away that which is your right and your obligation to Be, Do and Have.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
Scan the QR Code and download your Free MYMARRIAGECOACH App

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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