Monthly Archives: May 2015

Celebrating the Imperfections of Those We Love the Most!

Sometimes we are so busy comparing our loved ones against some arbitrary set of expectations we have from who knows where (and our loved ones always come up short!); or complaining about the imperfections of the people we care the most about, that we completely miss the endearing qualities that make them who they are and make them so special to us! Those are the things that we will miss when they are no longer here with us.

This very short video explores this theme through a woman’s brief comments about her beloved husband at his funeral.

Take a moment, watch this video and give yourself another moment to reflect. Then take one last moment and send me your thoughts about this video or this theme.

Until next time…

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~

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The Dating Game

I received an email from a fellow who asked about the “game of dating.” He had just gone on a “successful” date (he likes her and he believes she likes him) and he wanted to know what I thought about being “unavailable”; not calling his date too soon after the date or waiting for her to call him.

I don’t believe in playing games with anyone for any reason. I encourage men and women to have courage and tell the truth about how they feel, what they think, and what they need/want, like/dislike, in a responsible and respectful way. Folks, dating is a process that requires personal integrity! When you engage anyone in a conversation or interaction it is incumbent upon you to speak and act honestly and respectfully.

Dating is the opportunity to let someone get to know you, and for you to get to know them. Playing games will never get you what you want. Playing games deliberately creates an inaccurate picture of who you are and what you are thinking and feeling.

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Honor Your Partner’s Feelings As If They Are Your Own

I want to focus on an essential relationship behavior that you will want to practice, become good at and use frequently with your Honey:

…Honor and respect your partner’s feelings as if they are your own

Our feelings are the barometer of our outside existential lives. Our feelings let us know how things are going for us inside ourselves. Feelings exist because they do, in and of themselves.

We cannot choose to change, modify, not feel, or otherwise positively or negatively affect our feelings. The only choices we have are directly related to our behavior.

Feelings are as normal as hunger and fatigue. When we dismiss, diminish, ridicule, criticize, mock, belittle, disparage or demean anyone’s feelings we are acting in the most disrespectful and unloving way.

Next time your partner (or anyone in your life, for that matter) expresses a feeling, consider hearing the feeling as a sacred offering. Be curious and compassionate.

Remember: It is not your job to fix anything. She or he is not broken. It isn’t necessary to offer insights, suggestions, give answers or otherwise provide brilliant advice or express profound guidance.

Don’t get distracted by the content of the event. Stay with the feeling(s). Your Sweetheart is experiencing and expressing normal, natural human emotion.

Here are 3 simple, loving behaviors:

  1. Listen with your heart.
  2. Tell your partner that he or she matters to you and that his or her feelings are important to you.
  3. Ask if there is anything you can do or say right now that would be helpful.

Believe that your presence and your caring go a long way to soothe hurt and upset hearts. Very often people know what they need or what might be helpful. When they don’t, the 3 simple, loving behaviors are enough!!! Try it and let me know how it goes!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~

Stay inspired and in the know by subscribing to the RSS
feed for Dr. Jackie’s weekly podcast, “Just Between Us”

Touched by The Heart of A Woman

Mothers have been recognized in special ways for thousands of years, since Ancient Greece.

The month of May is the month that people in many parts of the world specifically celebrate Mothers.

As a tribute to women all across the globe, I am re-printing this wonderful and heart-warming poem written by Bonnie Ross-Parker. Ms. Ross-Parker’s contact information is at the end of this poem if you wish to contact her directly.

“The heart of a woman is as big as life. She initiates conversations with strangers in the bathroom. She recommends the perfect place to find the perfect dress to a woman she meets at the beauty salon. She clips coupons to send to her daughter-in-law. She smiles when she would rather scream, cries when she is happy, and often says “yes” when she means “no.”

A woman keeps the refrigerator full just in case someone stops by unexpectedly. A woman fights for what she believes in by supporting community endeavors with both time and money. She listens to friends, helps with homework, and gives unconditional loves.

Women cry over their children’s accomplishments, during a romantic movie, while reading sentimental cards at a card shop or when opening a special present. Women openly express happiness when hearing about the birth of a baby, an engagement, or a marriage. Women share their emotions from their heart.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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