Monthly Archives: August 2015

Understanding the Process of Grieving

Grief is the reaction to a loss event. What do I mean by loss event? Well, loss isn’t only death of a loved one. Loss events include:

Family Loss Events:

  • Death of a Loved One
  • Miscarriage
  • Infertility
  • Children with Special Needs
  • Aging Parents/Grandparents
  • Adoption
  • Blended/Step-families

Relationship Loss Events:

  • Divorce
  • Break-up
  • Separation

Personal Loss Events:

  • Moving
  • Immigration
  • Loss of Hopes and Dreams
  • Loss of Safety and Security (emotional, physical, financial)
  • Death of a Pet

Health Loss Events:

  • Life-threatening or Chronic Illness (yourself and loved ones)
  • Injury (yourself and loved ones)

Career Loss Events:

  • Fired from Job
  • Career Change
  • Retirement
  • Losses From Natural and Other Disasters

What do we lose?

Many lose loved ones, friends and co-workers in death; Others lose robust good health and face the long process of recovery; Some lose their assumptions of safety and security; the familiarity of our routines; the belief that, for the most part, they could control events in their lives. Some lose the hopes and dreams of the future. Many people lose their homes, personal possessions that held deep meaning, and a sense of order in their lives during natural disasters. Some lose their jobs, their sense of personal empowerment, their money for retirement, and their expectations of the future they crafted very carefully.

So again – Grief is the reaction to a loss event. Continue reading

Growing Pains

Do you have specific ideas about the man or woman of your dream: body type, personality qualities, things you want to have in common?

Are you someone who dates a man or a woman for six months or so, then gets bored and ends the relationship? Or do you get into relationships you don’t really mean to get into, become bothered and annoyed by personality quirks that didn’t bother you in the beginning, and then wind up leaving after two or three years?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are very definitely not alone.

Your idea of “Mr./Ms. You Could Be Good Enough” deserves your full attention.

All too often there are many stark differences between the ideals you hold in your thoughts or fantasies, and the actual men and women you date or have married.

Take some time and examine your ideas about your ideal mate. Give strong consideration to the values, style, and temperament that would best suit you.

Continue reading

All’s Fair in Love and Finances

Mature men and women who are dating have many questions about money and issues related to money management.

The most frequent question I am asked by men is how to avoid always picking up the tab. Women are curious about how to engage men in conversations about money. What questions are OK to ask? When do you start asking direct questions about money?

Everybody wants to be sure they are financially compatible before they commit to a long-term partnership, but very few are comfortable talking about the issues. There are a few simple things you can do to avoid always picking up the tab.

First determine the occasions that you can imagine choosing to “pick up the tab”: You invite a friend to dinner to celebrate her birthday; You take a friend or family member to lunch as a way to say thank you for checking on your house when you were away.

Next, recognize that it is important to address this issue at the time you ask someone for the date, not when you are sitting in a restaurant or standing in line for movie tickets.

Continue reading

Love Relationships: 5 Easy Steps to Forever

What do you mean when you refer to a “relationship”? Do you know the differences between a dating relationship, a pre-committed relationship and a committed relationship?

The difference has to do with the nature and structure of the relationship.

The nature and structure of a committed, love relationship is related to the agreements and commitments each partner makes to the relationship…not to each other…to the relationship! Agreements and commitments are actually behaviors driven by values that serve to support the structure.

There are 5 essential parts of the structure of a committed, long-term, primary, monogamous love relationship.

1. To tell my personal truth
2. To act with good will and good intention
3. To honor and respect my partner’s feelings as if they were my own
4. To be responsible to co-create the relationship that matches my vision, values and life purpose
5. To live my passion and bring my authentic self to “you” and to “us”

What agreements and commitments provide the structure for your primary love relationship?

Are you and your partner both clear about what you have agreed and committed to?

That is the next piece: All the agreements and commitments must be bi-lateral; that means that you and your Honey must both make those agreements and commitments in the presence of each other so that you know she did and she knows that you did.

And here is the last piece: All agreements and commitments must be honored no matter what. It is a breech of trust when you don’t keep your agreements and commitments. Be sure you are able to honor them before you agree and commit.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!
Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

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Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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