Monthly Archives: December 2015

Danny & Annie—May They Stir Your Heart

A colleague of mine sent this heartwarming video to me some time ago. It is fitting that, at the end of the year, we take stock of who we have been and how we have attended to the people and events in our lives that have mattered, and recommit ourselves to being and doing our best in 2016.

“…True love should be as committed and sacrificial as this. What if this video was required as pre-marriage counseling for every young couple in the world? We think it could do some serious good.”

I thank you for your faithful readership this past year; and I look forward to continuing to provide posts every week that will support you to create, build and maintain the most joyful, satisfying and lasting relationships you can imagine!

The dedicated team at DrJackieBlack.com joins me and wishes you and yours a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2016.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

Stay inspired and in the know by subscribing to the RSS
feed for Dr. Jackie’s weekly podcast, “Just Between Us”

The Joys and Dreads of Giving and Receiving Gifts

What do you think about giving and receiving gifts? Are you an enthusiastic, appreciative receiver or does getting a gift make you feel uncomfortable? Are you a spirited gift giver picking up small (or large) tokens of your esteem and affection wherever you go for the people you care about?

In a small survey I conducted over several months here’s what I discovered:

  • Women tend to be more comfortable than men giving gifts to family and friends not related to a special occasion.
  • Women are more apt than men to give a gift to a friend.
  • Men are willing and eager to buy gifts for loved ones especially for special occasions, though they feel enormously uncertain most of the time that the gift they buy will be valued and appreciated by the receiver.
  • Men have less of a need to receive a personal gift than women, particularly for birthdays and anniversaries.
  • Men are more welcoming and appreciative of a wider range of gifts than women.
  • Women make more meaning of the gifts they receive than men.

Here are a few personal Gift Giving & Receiving Guidelines I’d like to offer for your consideration:

  • When I give a gift the very act of giving says, “I was out in the world, saw this gift, thought of you and bought it for you. Please know that you are special to me and I care for you.”
  • It is not so important to me that people like the gifts I give, though I certainly hope they do. It is very important to me that people to whom I give gifts know that my “gifting” to them represents one of the ways I show that I care and that I am thinking of them.
  • As far as I am concerned, if someone doesn’t like the gift or would prefer something else, I want them to feel perfectly comfortable returning or exchanging it. The really important outcome of my gift giving to the people I love and care for is that they know I love and care for them.
  • Why do you or don’t you give people gifts?
  • What is it about receiving a gift that feels good to you? Or uncomfortable to you?
  • If you could change one thing about giving or receiving a gift so that it would be a pleasurable experience, what would that one thing be?

I hope you can make giving and receiving gifts fun and meaningful!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

Stay inspired and in the know by subscribing to the RSS
feed for Dr. Jackie’s weekly podcast, “Just Between Us”

Just Dating—Holiday Do’s and Don’ts

The holidays can be a confusing time for those who are “just” dating. There are so many considerations and questions that arise. I believe that some issues in our lives come up over and over and that helpful reminders are timeless.

Gifts:

  • Should I buy him a gift?
  • Should I simply send her a card?
  • Am I cheap or selfish if I don’t want to buy a gift at this point in our relationship?
  • How will I look to him if I don’t?
  • Am I creating some kind of pressure for her if I do?
  • If I do, how much money should I spend?
  • How personal a gift should I/can I buy?
  • Is it okay to buy a gift that is simply a token of my enjoying his or her company?

Celebrations with Family and Friends:

  • Should I invite him to my family’s home for traditional family holiday celebrations?
  • Should I include him in the traditional gift exchange? Is it okay to ask him to pay for a gift?
  • Should I invite her to accompany me to my office party or to the homes of friends and family for holiday parties?
  • What message will it send if I do or if I don’t?
  • Is it rude to not include him or her?

Then there are even more quandaries and sticky situations you could find yourself in if you and your new honey are of different faiths, or spiritual inclinations. And what if she or he has children or elderly parents living with her or him? Continue reading

Intimacy Can be Yours—If You Act on It!

Creating, nurturing and maintaining intimacy in long-term, committed relationships requires intention, deliberate choice and deliberate action. Nothing about creating intimacy and truly being intimate with another person is unconscious. Closeness is enhanced through purposeful sensitivity, tenderness and respect for each other.

Being congruent is a process in which you value yourself; you take ownership of your thoughts and feelings, and your resources and choices; honor and express your deepest knowing about yourself and be sure that what you say and how you say it match what you are feeling.

There are three good reasons that you and your partner might not always communicate effectively with each other.

First, most people don’t identify their feelings accurately.

Secondly, it is very difficult for most people to find the right words to express how they feel.

Continue reading

Are You Too Busy to Preserve the Intimacy?

Intimacy isn’t an automatic response. Intimacy isn’t a given because you love someone or feel loved by someone. Intimacy doesn’t come with a commitment or with a marriage license. The basic, fundamental element of intimacy is cherishing each other!

Creating, nurturing and maintaining intimacy in long-term, committed relationships is the toughest and the most worthwhile undertaking one can accomplish.

It requires intention, deliberate choice and deliberate action. Nothing about creating intimacy and truly being intimate with another person is unconscious. Closeness is enhanced through purposeful sensitivity, tenderness and respect for each other.

Intimacy is the result of celebrating each other; celebrating each other’s presence and celebrating being in each other’s presence!

  • Be appreciative
  • Offer acknowledgement
  • Give the benefit of the doubt
  • Be the most ardent cheerleader
  • Be an enthusiastic supporter
  • Applaud your partner’s efforts
  • Extol his or her virtues
  • Be generous of spirit and open heart
  • Always remember to be encouraging

Be intentional. Be certain that your deliberate choice and deliberate action send the unmistakable message that you are happy to be with him or her and that your life is better and richer with him or her than it could ever be alone. Take the time to truly develop, take care of and preserve the intimacy of your relationship, and you will enjoy the warmth and tenderness of the relationship you want and deserve.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

Stay inspired and in the know by subscribing to the RSS
feed for Dr. Jackie’s weekly podcast, “Just Between Us”

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Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com