Monthly Archives: February 2016

Compromising Is an Important Life Skill

Compromising, not unlike setting boundaries, crafting agreements and honoring commitments, is an essential skill for successful dating relationships as well as long-term, primary love relationships.

Knowing how to compromise is absolutely vital to the health and well-being of any relationship that you hope to last more than a blink of an eye.

It doesn’t matter how much you enjoy each other’s company; how much you love and adore each other; how great the sex is. Without the willingness and ability to skillfully compromise, your dating and committed relationship is at high risk for failure.

Would you be shocked to hear that many couples avoid or dread the very notion of compromise? It is all too often likened to agreeing to be bludgeoned into something that is unpleasant or disagreeable. In truth, making compromises is nothing of the sort!

What do you believe? What has been your experience with compromising and negotiating in relationships?

Have you suffered a loss or losses when you compromised with someone? Have you felt taken advantage of or wronged?

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Stop Complaining and Start Celebrating Love

Relationships are like bank accounts. If you keep pulling money out without making deposits you will go bankrupt. What does the balance sheet of your love life look like?

You know, relationships are living breathing entities. Our investment of deliberate intention, and focused time, energy and attention is the order of the day. Your relationship can’t wait until it is convenient for you; or until you have finished everything on your to-do list; or until you are at leisure.

Being a successful Sweetheart and being a successful career person at the same time requires some serious intention, investment and commitment from both partners. Relationships grow and flourish when both people show up and make consistent deposits. One person alone, even if that one person makes huge deposits, cannot build and maintain a joyful, satisfying relationship for both of you.

Do you spend more time each week watching television or commuting to work than you do alone with your beloved? Or are you too busy to even have a beloved?

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The REAL Gift For Valentine’s Day

It’s Valentine’s Day again! Let Valentine’s Day this year be the bell of awareness ringing in your ear, reminding you to carve out the time to connect with the one who stole your heart. Retailers and Madison Avenue would like us to all rush out and buy chocolate; flowers, mushy cards and teddy bears. But consider this instead:

  • If he takes Fido out for his 10:00 pm walk every night, why not offer to do it for him the next four or five nights.
  • If pulling the trash cans out to the street is his job, take the trash cans out for the next couple of weeks and give him a break.
  • Tell her that you are going to grab the kids and take them away on Saturday morning so she can have the house all to herself for several hours and then all meet up for lunch somewhere at noon.

You get the picture. Really focus in on the one you love and come up with the four most loving behaviors you can think of and make a gift of your time and energy.

Don’t miss the sweetness and the joy you will both experience by reaching out and connecting with each other from the center of your being and the bottom of your heart. That’s the real meaning of Valentine’s Day.

Make this Valentine’s Day the most personal Valentine’s Day yet!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

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It’s Almost Valentine’s Day!

Is this a day you are looking forward to? Or dreading?

In my experience, women are more triggered by Valentine’s Day forgetfulness or inattention than men. So, in the spirit of averting a Valentine’s Day disaster in your relationship, this advice is for the ladies!

Are you excited about showing your love and affection; and letting that special man in your life know how much he means to you?

Do you find yourself worrying that your Honey might forget to plan ahead and not send you flowers, buy Godiva Chocolate or that tennis bracelet you’ve been hinting you really want to have?

Check out your expectations about “being remembered” and the meaning you make related to certain behaviors.

For example:

  • He bought me beautiful flowers: He loves me. He is so thoughtful.
  • He gave me a very sweet card: He loves me so much and thinks I am special.
  • He sent me a card from the kids: He is so wonderful and I am so important to him.
  • He didn’t even go to the grocery store and buy flowers: He is so uncaring and unappreciative about everything I do.
  • He didn’t even get me a simple card: He’s so thoughtless and doesn’t appreciate me.

Heads up, ladies!

Valentine’s Day is not the designated day of the year that your partner is tasked with proving to you that he loves you and that you are special and the center of his world.

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Whose Job Is It Anyway?

Accept that it’s your job to educate your partner about what makes you feel most loved.

Feeling loved, that is feeling respected, valued and celebrated, is the result of hearing your partner’s words and experiencing your partner’s actions consistently over time.

Feeling loved or happy or satisfied or competent is sourced by each of us, inside ourselves.

Love is not a feeling you feel. It is the result of a combination of words and actions that you interpret to mean love.

It is our job to help our partners know what loving words and behaviors are to us. Don’t expect the man or woman who loves you to know what to do and say so that you feel loved. Let him or her know, specifically.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com