Monthly Archives: July 2016

Simple Romance Rituals to Keep the Divorce Gremlin Away

…the final in a series of Gardening Tips for Couples

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” —Margaret Young

We live in a contemporary society that values high-tech, the faster the better, and product stream; how fast can I make my widget? How many can I sell? How much can I sell them for?

It’s time to stop, look and listen:

  • Stop doing and start being
  • Look inside instead of outside of yourself
  • Listen to your inner voices in addition to your “head”

Common Rituals and Celebrations

Rituals and celebrations are one way to intentionally create meaningful connections with special and important events and people. Many people already celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

Here are some common rituals and celebrations you might not recognize as such:

  • Graduations
  • Bachelor / Bachelorette Parties
  • Bon Voyage Parties
  • Promotion / Retirement
  • Bridal and Baby Showers
  • Wrap Parties in the Entertainment Industry
  • Funerals, Memorials, Celebrations of Life
  • Throwing coins in a fountain
  • Placing an extra candle on a birthday cake
  • Bride and Groom feeding each other cake
  • Sending cards to remember special occasions

You Can Create Easy Couple Romance Rituals

Celebrations and rituals do not have to be involved, complicated or expensive. It is the simple act of honoring your love and the caring you feel for your partner with your intention and attention.

Your Romance Ritual is something you decide on together; some specific behavior–something that you do with or say to the other, intentionally; and make an important part of your established routine. If you take the time and the effort to create your Romance Ritual and include it in your routines with each other, you will notice a marked increase in good will, less conflict and hurt feelings, and much more intimacy!

If this is something you’d like to try, finding your perfect Romance Ritual should be easy.

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The Power of Apology

…another in the series of Gardening Tips for Couples

It is highly likely that in the course of relationships with associates, friends, family members and your significant other you will do or say something or not do or say something that will cause someone hurt.

Reacting to the words and actions of others is normal, natural and necessary when we are involved and invested in a relationship with another, regardless of the nature or structure of that relationship.

For the purpose of this Tip, I want to focus on The Power of Apology for committed couples. That said, everything I am about to offer can be widely used and applied with all different kinds of relationships and with all different kinds of people!

What Is An Apology?

Your apology is an act of loving kindness and is an offering to repair the hurt. It does not speak directly to the perceived offense.

The very act of apologizing must be an integral part of all committed relationships regardless of the nature of the relationship.

It is not about not having one’s feelings hurt!

It is about both partners offering and receiving apologies when a hurt or an offense is experienced and reported by one of them.

When to Apologize

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Honor Your Partner’s Feelings as if They Are Your Own

…another in the series of Gardening Tips for Couples!

Feelings are the barometer of your outside existential life. For human beings in personal relationships, your feelings let you know how things are going for you inside yourself.

Feelings exist because they do, in and of themselves; and they are indicators of how to tend to your relationship.

I want to focus on an essential relationship behavior that you and your partner will want to practice, become good at, and use frequently with each other:

…Honor your partner’s feelings as if they are your own!

You cannot choose to change, modify, not feel, or otherwise positively or negatively affect your feelings. The only choice you have is directly related to your behavior.

Feelings are as normal as hunger and fatigue. When you dismiss, diminish, ridicule, criticize, mock, belittle, disparage or demean anyone’s feelings, you are acting in the most disrespectful and unloving way.

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Romance is Like Gardening

So often couples call and say…

“…My husband and I love each other and are very invested and committed in our relationship to each other and our kids. We go out on dates once a week; but our sexual/sensual relationship no longer exists…”

Or, “…My wife and I are wonderful companions and best friends but we’re not in love with each other anymore…”

Or, “…Do sexual feelings ever come back once they are lost?”

I believe that loving, feeling loved and being in love are terribly misunderstood concepts that lead couples to false expectations and assumptions about each other and their relationship.

The fact that couples report loving each other and being invested and committed in their relationship is very good news! I always am very heartened when I hear couples say that they are best friends or wonderful companions.

Those warm, endearing, respectful feelings toward one another are the foundation on which we build intimacy. Sensuality and sexuality can only exist and grow when relationships are based on those good feelings about each other; and the recognition that they care about each other and are connected to each other.

The problem is that contemporary couples don’t have accurate beliefs about what deepens and sustains those warm feelings toward each other and the experiences they have with each other.

Here’s a fact that every couple must understand: Sexuality, sensuality and intimacy can flourish in your relationship and are NOT dependent on time or energy!

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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