Monthly Archives: January 2017

Living Single is Not a Condition to Improve

Many of us find ourselves un-partnered at various times in our lives. How do you experience being single and uninvolved?

Do you worry that you are unloved, or will never find that special someone to love?

Did you feel relief at the end of a marriage or relationship that was contentious or disappointing, one fraught with conflict and dissension?

Each one of us has our own unique experience of being single and living alone. For some men and women, being single is a message that he or she is not good enough, or is flawed in some serious way. People tell me that being single is the evidence that there is something wrong with them.

Sometimes men and women without partners are afraid that friends and family members think they are alone because they are not worth being cared for. Some single people feel self-conscious going into restaurants alone or with friends, especially on weekend nights.

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Secrets to Finding the Treasures Around You

Last week we explored the unique gifts, skills and talents that live inside of us. We made a list to help appreciate and honor the treasures we bring to the lives of others.

What treasures OUTSIDE you are you not recognizing, valuing and letting warm you down to the cockles of your heart?

Who and what is a part of your daily life that you take for granted or don’t notice or get pleasure from anymore? Or maybe haven’t ever!

What thoughts preoccupy you and exhaust you? What treasures outside of you can you become aware of to restore and re-energize yourself?

Who are the folks who are not your champions; who suck the very life and the joy out of you? Who are the treasures outside of you who might enrich and enliven your life?

I live in sunny California and the clear blue sky and the warmth of the sun on my face early in the morning I go for a walk are treasures to me. And I laugh at myself the 20 days a year it dares to be freezing cold (low 60’s) and cloudy and I’m complaining bitterly!

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It’s Time to Own the Treasures That Live Within You

When we think of treasures we generally think of expensive jewels, rare antiques or chests filled with gold coins sitting on the bottom of the ocean.

Would you be surprised to learn that there are a multitude of treasures all around you AND inside you?

Let’s explore the treasures INSIDE you first.

Each one of us has unique gifts, skills and talents that live inside of us. You are probably so busy in your life d-o-i-n-g one thing or another and attending to the needs of others, that you haven’t had any time to notice or honor your special gifts, skills and talents in a long time.

Grab a piece of paper and let’s make a list together right now!

If you were your best friend (and you should be, but that’s a topic for another issue) and I asked your best friend what characteristics or personality traits she or he liked, valued or appreciated the most about you, what would she or he say?

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Are New Year’s Resolutions a Set-up for Failure?

How are your New Year’s Resolutions going? Are you successfully achieving your goals? Or have you failed already?

If you are in the minuscule percentage of people who are successfully achieving your goals, congratulations!

For everyone else, don’t give it a second thought if you have already failed and have decided “to heck with that stuff anyway!”

New Year’s Resolutions are a set-up for failure. Changing anything in life when you do so with intention is hard enough, never mind trying to change something based on faulty thinking and faulty planning.

Here’s a simple three-step formula to make any change you wish in your life:

First, decide what behavior you want to change or goal you want to achieve. Carefully craft a statement about one or two benefits that will come as a result of changing this behavior or achieving this goal.

How will your life be enriched or improved if you change this behavior or achieve this goal?

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Invitation to Take Stock and Design Your Life

It’s hard to believe that 2016 is over and 2017 is here.

The beginning of the year is a good time to take stock; to examine where we’ve been; where we are now; and where we want to go this year.

I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on the various aspects of your life.

  • What accomplishment are you very proud of?
  • What goal did you have that wasn’t realized?
  • Did you experience any losses or disappointments? Have you spent time grieving the hurt associated with the loss or disappointment?
  • Anything unexpected happen? Have you expressed your gratitude?
  • Is there a task or an endeavor that is incomplete that you want to complete or bring closure to this year?
  • Do you still need or want to do or say something to someone?
  • Do you have a dream for 2017? And a plan to make it a reality?

This is just a partial list that I want to invite you to use to spark your personal inquiry.

My amazing Grandmother used to say, “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” Loosely translated, that old saying reminds us to stay actively engaged in our lives and to resist becoming complacent.

Be the architect of your life. Don’t wait for something to happen. Design your life and your love life for the rest of your life and be sure your design matches your vision for your life; your values; and your life purpose.

Don’t settle; compromise; or negotiate away that which is your right and your obligation to Be, Do and Have.

I thank you for being in our network. It is a privilege and an honor to serve you. I hope this year will be everything you want it to be and that you will join us for a terrific 2017!

My team joins me in wishing you a very happy, healthy and prosperous New Year filled with abundance, joy, and treasured moments!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

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Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com