Dating—A Time to Explore

Ask Dr. Jackie:
My boyfriend and I have been going out for two months.  I am getting nervous that something is wrong.  He hasn’t been himself lately; and he doesn’t call or text me as much as he did before.  I asked him about this and he said everything is ok.  I don’t want to be an overbearing girlfriend.  What should I do?

Dr. Jackie Answers:

Remember that dating is a process and a time to explore whether someone is a good match for us; and if they are to date more and explore more.  At some point, usually within the first six months, one or both people recognize that they are not a good match and stop dating each other.  That is normal!  Expect that to happen more often than not.  It is a very special person who is a good match for us.

In the last two months it sounds like your “boyfriend” has been exploring and evaluating and assessing whether you and he are a good match to take your dating relationship to the next level of closeness.  It also sounds like has decided that, for whatever reason, you are not his ideal match.  That does not mean that you did anything wrong, or that he is rejecting you.  It means that the dating process worked!  He met you, wanted to get to know you better, and for whatever reason, has decided to stop dating you.

Unfortunately, he is using this bad behavior to tell you.  It would be better if he were emotionally intelligent and mature.  Then he would just call you and say:  “Thank you for spending time with me.  I have enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you.  I have come to recognize that you are not my ideal match.  You are a terrific woman and I hope you find the man who is your ideal partner and who is yours too.  I wish you well.  Good bye.”

This is exactly what happens when people date.  More often than not one or both people recognize that she or he is not an ideal match and they stop the dating process.

If he were interested in you, he would be calling and making plans to see you.  No need to be clingy or needy.  Simply “hear” his behavior accurately and move on.  It will hurt for a short time and then you will start to date again, and the whole process will begin all over.

I wish you all the best on this journey to finding your ideal partner.

Remember, only You can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
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Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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