Dating After 50—Be Sure About Where Your Vision Is Taking You

The last two weeks, we started exploring the four cornerstones of your inner guidance system:

  1. Needs and values; the external and internal structures of your life;
  2. Vision; what you want your life to be;
  3. Life purpose; your reason for being; and
  4. Mission; the daily choices and behaviors that put into action living on purpose with vision driven by needs and values

Why is this important in a series that focuses on Love and Relationships After 50?

  • Because you want to be certain that you are engaging in your life and in the dating process with integrity and with accurate information and full awareness about yourself;
  • Because a love relationship is most fulfilling and satisfying when it is in alignment with your needs/values, vision, life purpose and mission; and
  • Because when you live from your very being, you can genuinely love and be loved by another; you can know a love that grows out of choice.

We have explored Needs and Values. This week we are going to take a look at the Vision piece of your inner guidance system.

With vision, on-purpose and through mission

Vision, Life Purpose and Mission are the remaining three foundation stones of your being.

You create your life and your love life through your beliefs, intentions and the actions you take in the world. Imagine for a moment that you are taking a car trip. This journey includes six independent yet related elements: vision, life purpose, mission, attributes, benefits and touchstones.

  • Your vision is the reason for the car trip. It is about where you will end up and what it is going to be like when you get there. It is the destination, in a sense.
  • Your life purpose is the road or the roads you will take, and the vehicle you will travel in, to get where you are going.
  • Your mission is being the driver of your car and being responsible for the condition of the vehicle you are driving. Your mission is about the daily actions you take, decisions and choices you make to put into practice or to make your vision real and viable.
  • Your attributes are the gifts, talents and skills you bring with you on your journey to use along the way.
  • Your benefits are the results or ‘goodies’ others in your life can anticipate when they spend time with a person who is on their own path, who is clear about their own purpose, and has ways of honoring their own needs/values through living by mission. Others benefit when they are in your presence.
  • Your touchstones are the signals, markers, indicators and clues that the benefits are on the way.

On this journey, there may be bumps in the road, or the road may have detours. Your car may need work or break down altogether or you may crash. The driver may be alert, read directions and sign posts along the way; or fall asleep or not pay close attention.

The vision you hold for your life taps into the deep core of who you are and what you are about. Your vision is driven by your realization of your uniqueness and the meaningful contribution you have the capacity to make.

When you think of your vision, think of your personal world of family and friends, your community, work and colleagues … everything in the world that touches you in some way every day and how you want that to be.

Creating your vision means designing and clarifying where you are going in your life. Consider these questions:

  • If you could wave a magic wand and create a life that includes anything and everything you ever wanted, what would your life include?
  • If you could imagine your life, your personal world, exactly as you want it to be, how would it be?
  • What activities do you love to do? What have you made a part of your life for as long as you can remember?
  • What energizes you?
  • What fills you with pride?
  • What experiences warm your heart and touch your spirit?
  • What things must be part of your world so that you can be your best self?

As you can see, we don’t all have a clear idea of where we are going. Quite often we need help. That’s where working with a relationship coach can help; they have the skills to help you to dig out those nuggets of gold that you’re hiding in your head and your heart.

Your vision statement

Creating a successful relationship requires a lot of self-examination. Your vision statement is a declaration of what you want to become in your life and in your relationship life. Your (written) vision statement describes how you want to design your life and your love life, what you want to accomplish, and how you want to be known, perceived and experienced by your ideal partner.

Make sure your vision statement genuinely reflects your legitimate needs, values and your deepest desires. Don’t be afraid to let it be a big vision! You have more internal and external resources than you could possibly imagine!

All your dating efforts and a successful, long-term relationship requires courage, hard work and determination. Making your dreams come true requires that you be honest with yourself, let yourself imagine with sheer abandon and without limitations, and be committed to take deliberate and intentional action on your own behalf!

Use your vision statement regularly to remind you that the actions you take and experiences you have will support you to reach your desired goals—and enjoy life as you are doing so!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com