Thank you so much for being a faithful reader! It has been a privilege to be part of your life and bring you my brand of advice for dating; and building committed, joyful and lasting relationships!

I am going to take a break from posting for the next several months.

I am focusing on the launch of my new book Meeting Your Match: Cracking the code for successful relationships!

We anticipate that the book will be on bookstore shelves, Amazon and Barnes and Noble dot com in the Fall (in the US) 2007!

There are not enough hours in the day for me to do everything so I had to make a decision about where to put my time and attention.

After the launch of MYM, we will be consolidating our Blog (www.AskDrJackie.com) and our Podcast (www.RelationshipTalkPodcast.com). I will be posting articles, Relationship Tips and Audio files to www.AskDrJackie.com .

AND... we are building an eSTORE with lots of terrific relationship-oriented books and CDs on www.AskDrJackie.com .

Please remember …

1. You are in charge of making decisions and acting and reacting according to your values; NOT in response to your old pain or out of fear.

2. Commitments and agreements are the very foundation of all relationships, and crafting elegant agreements infuses life and personality into relationships.

3. Your inner guidance system is a combination of these four related, but separate, parts: Needs/values, Vision, Life purpose and Mission. A love relationship is most fulfilling and satisfying when it is in alignment with your Needs/values, Vision, Life purpose and Mission.

4. Settling for less is often the result of you not recognizing that your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, needs and wants are legitimate.

5. Your primary, monogamous, long-term, love relationship will be the centerpiece of the rest of your life. Be picky! Be discerning. Be discriminating. Be selective. Don’t settle for second best.

6. Be actively engaged in the life that you love, and you will more readily attract the love of your life

So until we meet again, take very good care and remember… only YOU can make it happen!

Dr. Jackie

According to the Stepfamily Association of America (SAA), "by the year 2010 stepfamilies are projected be the predominant family form in the U.S."

According to the 2001 General Social Survey, Canada had 503,100 step families in 2001. This represents almost 12% of all Canadian couples with children in 2001, compared to 10% in 1995.

The Stepfamily Association of South Australia reports that stepfamilies are in fact the fastest growing family group in Australia. It has been estimated that one in every four families in Australia is a stepfamily.

The stepfamily experience is common across Europe (19 countries) and becoming more so as younger generations experience higher rates of union dissolution and repartnering during childbearing years (Prskawitz et al, 2003).

According to the BBC.co.uk more than 1 in 10 families in the UK are now stepfamilies. NetDoctor.co.uk reports that 18 million people (total pop. estimated to be approx 60 M) in the UK are part of a stepfamily in some way.

Let's look at a few current US stats:

• About 75% of divorced people eventually remarry.
• About 43% of all marriages are remarriages for at least one of the adults.
• About 65% of remarriages involve children from the prior marriage and form stepfamilies.
• About 2/3rds of all women, and 37% of all children, are likely to spend some time in a stepfamily, using the more liberal definition that includes cohabiting adult couples.

Would you be surprised if I told you…

• One of three Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a stepsibling, or some other member of a stepfamily
• More than half of Americans today have been, are now or will eventually be in one or more step situations during their lives

You became a stepfamily because one of you made a decision based on the belief that you could "do this" and that "this will be worth it to be with my Honey!" Those are powerful reasons that deserve your time, attention and energy.

The imperative in front of you is to create a family structure that is a safe and loving place for everyone to grow and be their best self; model respectful, thoughtful, value-driven choices and behavior; and live your best and most passionate life.

Across the pond and around the world stepfamilies are the most challenging family constellation…for stepparents and for stepchildren!

Here are my Top 15 Tips for Enlightened Stepfamilies:

1. Don't try to fit a preconceived role. Be yourself.

2. Accept that stepfamily members don't have to love each other, especially right away. You all must behave respectfully toward each other.

3. Parent with the End in mind. Value-driven parenting will help you stay mindful of EVERYBODY'S legitimate needs and avoid power struggles.

4. Develop cooperative and respectful relationships. Look for the good in every family member; offer frequent positive feedback; and respect everyone's need for space and privacy.

5. Define household rules and rituals.

6. Establish routines and traditions that bring a sense of family.

7. Hold family meetings on a regular basis. Encourage children (even very young children) to actively participate in planning activities, getting the "chores" done and creative problem solving/decision-making.

8. Be clear and negotiate for your needs.

9. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

10. Don't take things personally.

11. Maintain your "adult" perspective; a positive attitude remembering that all things are possible; and maintain your sense of humor.

12. Set aside special time each week for your partner and yourself.

13. Take care of yourself. Participate in your own activities and hobbies. The better you feel the easier it is to accept and love others.

14. Understand that partners will talk with ex spouses to coordinate children's needs.

15. Do your best to maintain a courteous relationship with the ex spouse for the well-being of the children.

To you stepfamily success!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

I often focus on primary love relationships and family relationships, but today I am going to take a sharp left turn and talk about business relationships.

This isn't really such a sharp departure; if you think about it. And here's why:

Relationships drive everything in life.

Good business relationships result in smooth transactions and solid referrals.

Sales people, who take pride in the products they sell or represent, take pride in their business relationships and don't have to resort to sleazy, pushy and obnoxious behavior.

Corporate politics can be kept to a dull roar when respect and integrity flow from the top down.

Building healthy, solid relationships takes time;

Building your good name and high visibility takes time;

Building your business and wealth takes time; and all of these results depend on

• Acting on your own behalf;
• Saying what you mean and meaning what you;
• Doing what you say and saying what you do;
• Being in personal integrity no matter what; and above all else...
• Operating in the greater community and your personal world with good will and with good intention.

Joan Sotkin, a respected colleague, "money mentor" of mine and a woman whose values are very much aligned with mine, addressed an utter outrage and a growing concern of hers in her monthly newsletter Prosperity Tips.

I am going to republish Joan's article on my blog because I share her outrage and could not write about this better than Joan already has.

Re-published with Permission:
Prosperity Tips Issue #94
ISSN 1543-6330
Publisher: Joan Sotkin
Article: Can You Really Get Rich Quickly?

It takes a lot to push my buttons. But last week something did and I'd like to share it with you. Here's what happened:

I received an email from a site is considered a main player in the self-improvement field. The email started out by saying that the writer was sick and tired of get-rich quick schemes. Instead of one of these, he was touting something that promised financial nirvana. And all I had to do was to just click here.

I'm always interested in what people are offering, so I clicked. The page I came to started out with this text:

-----------------------

I couldn't believe it, but there it was in front of me... $187,296 in 24 Hours!

I couldn't believe it because I had... No Product.., No Promotion Costs.., No Experience and No Talent!

'Will You Spare Me 7 Minutes To Show YOU How To Copy My Exact Plan?'

We've confirmed this is the easiest, fastest and cheapest way for the 'little guy' to get rich...

Be one of the select few to find out what we've uncovered with the only resource designed to help YOU START an internet business with less than $1000....

-----------------------

This was followed by some text (about how his 10 year old was making money) and a form for filling out your name and email address to get more info. (This is known as a squeeze page.)

The next page was a long, long carefully-worded pitch for the product with a bunch of bonuses (worth $447) and a link to another page, with another long, long pitch. No price given for the product--only a Register Now button.

I clicked on it and was taken to another text page where I learned that the basic DVD was $77 plus shipping and for another $49 I could have a money-making manual.

Designed to Suck You In
The text was written following all of the tested techniques for direct-response copy. People spend years learning how to write this stuff. I know because I study it too.

But it really bothers me that this copy, and the copy on dozens of sites like it, are designed to manipulate you into (a) giving them your email address and (2) buying. They don't care about you, they don't care if their product is going to work for you or not, they don't care if buying the product is a stretch of you. They only care about how much money they can make.

And what really got me about this get-rich quick pitch is the way they started out empathizing with the reader about disliking get-rich quick schemes.

It really bothers me that so many people buy into the promise of riches without having to work for it--and will pay dearly for the products.

It's Rarely Quick and Easy
I've been around the financial field long enough to know that some people have a knack for making a lot of money, but most people don't.

Although everyone has the potential to become wealthy, in order to effectively change their financial position, most people have to develop a new way of thinking, believing, and feeling. More often than not, those who do get rich rapidly, lose what they have gained. I've seen it over and over again.

Why am I writing about this? Because I hope that when you come across these sales pitches, you'll step back for a few moments and look at them with a discerning eye.

I'd also like to suggest that you examine your financial habits and your relationship with money and realize that no matter what book you read, DVD you watch, or program you sign up for, if you aren't willing to go through the somewhat lengthy process of transformation, no matter how badly you want your situation to change quickly, a year from now or two years from now, you'll still be in a just-enough or less-than-enough position.

The fact is, that financial healing, like any other kind of deep healing, is as much about your personal growth and development as it is about your finances. It's about altering your state of being in order to become your prosperous, healthy self.

I'd like to suggest that you listen to my podcast #73 (15 minutes long) which is all about understanding your state of being and how it relates to your financial position. You can download it at http://TheProsperityShow.com

Thanks for 'listening.' I had to get this off of my chest.

Thanks Joan, for reminding us that we must pay attention to our BEING; become our prosperous, healthy Self and then get to work creating our best life and love life for the rest of our life!

Please visit Joan's web site at http://ProsperityPlace.com and listen to her Podcast at http://TheProsperityShow.com

Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

There may be occasions during your relationship when you hurt your Honey’s feelings or s/he hurts your feelings. There may be those rare times that your beloved does or says something that shakes your trust or you do or say something that shakes his or hers.

Those times may seem like the end of your relationship. You might fear that nothing can be said or done to repair the damage. Repairing the hurt is possible if you are both willing to work it out!

When you are hurt do you try to hurt your partner back? Do you hold a grudge? Do you reject your partner’s effort(s) to apologize and make up? Sometimes partners don’t have good tools and skills and don’t use their words effectively in emotionally charged situations.

While acting out against your partner may feel good in the moment, it really only serves to make the situation worse in the long run. Acting out creates more hurt feelings and makes it harder for both partners to work through the original hurt.

Here are several essential steps in the repair process:

• Acknowledge what happened
• Admit that you did or said something that you now recognize was hurtful and unkind or that has shaken your partner’s trust
• Offer an apology that includes acknowledging that you said or did something that hurt his/her feelings or contributed to shaking his/her trust in you
• Ask what you can do or say to make things better
• Allow your partner time to soothe himself or herself and be open and ready to receive him or her when the time is right.

Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks', Conscious Loving, offers insights into being fully together without giving up yourself.

Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

It seems that there is a game of 'Blog Tag' going around in which bloggers share 5 things about themselves that relatively few people know, and then tag 5 other bloggers to be "IT."

I've been tagged by Sarah Schultz, a Certified Personal Coach and your "go-to resource" for Quarterlifers!

Thanks, Sarah!

... so here goes!

5 things about me that relatively few people know:

1. While in St. Petersburg, Russia in the winter of 2003 I became separated from my tour group at the Summer Palace of Catherine The Great. I managed to get onto the grounds (through armed guards holding cardboard signs that read "No Ticket No Entrance") and found myself in the back of the palace. I could see my group through French doors with double paned glass walking down an inside corridor. I shoved my way "in" through the EXIT in the back of the Palace where the magnificent terraced gardens and fountains were. Everyone was running after me, yelling in Russian and trying to grab an arm or a shoulder. I just kept walking faster and faster saying "I want my tour guide, I want my tour guide," It was a harrowing experience! Fortunately I didn't wind up in Siberia!

2. My life-long dream as a child was to be an orchestra conductor. In the late 60's, the music department of the University I was attending wouldn't let me into the conducting class…because I was a girl.

3. When FORD launched the Mustang Mach 1, I was working in the body shop of a FORD dealership. I had never driven a "stick shift" so I couldn't get the cars from the body shop to the paint shop. One of the wrecker drivers (we didn't call them tow truck drivers in those days) taught me how to drive a stick shift and that was all she wrote…as they say. I loved those cars. You couldn't pry me out of the Mach 1s!

4. Through middle school and all the way through high school I bowled in a league. I had a 180 average!

5. I have an 8 year old, 115 lb Bernese Mountain Dog named Sophie. She is my best friend and companion; and she never left my side for many months after my husband died. Everyone loves Sophie. She is smart, very sweet and thinks she is a lap dog! AND she is hand-command trained and voice-command trained. If you have a dog who weighs more than you, I'd recommend it! Everyone just thinks she is an easy-going, old girl.


Now it's my turn to tag!

Syl Leduc, Executive Coach, Leadership Development Strategist, Small Business Specialist, Published Author, Columnist, Speaker, AND one of those truly nice people in the world I am blessed to be able to call "friend.

Maryon Stewart, is one of the UK's leading experts on nutrition. Maryon has published internationally recognized research on PMS and menopause. She regularly appears on UK television and radio; has had regular columns in many publications including "House and Garden", `Good Health, "the Daily Mail" and the "Sunday Express Magazine;" has published 24 titles and sold more than a million books; and she was voted one of the most influential women in the UK by "Good Housekeeping Magazine." This is a Must-read Blog!

Susan Joyce, is my personal friend and the premier blogger of the online job search world helps people use the Internet safely and effectively to find a job. Check this out!

Wayne Kelly my friend, mentor and favorite radio show-insider! Wanna be on the radio? This blogger tells all in a very usable and understandable way. Tell Wayne Dr. Jackie sent you!

Bill Weiss my Web Developer at SpinTheWeb.com. His blog focuses on promoting OpenSourced and affordable internet solutions and best practices. Be sure to tell him Dr. Jackie sent you.

Accept that it’s your job to educate your partner about what makes you feel most loved.

Feeling loved, that is feeling respected, valued and celebrated, is the result of hearing your partner’s words and experiencing your partner’s actions consistently over time.

Feeling loved or happy or satisfied or competent is sourced by each of us inside ourselves.

Love is not a feeling you feel. It is the result of a combination of words and actions that you interpret to mean love.

It is our job to help our partners know what loving words and behaviors are to us. Don’t expect the man or woman who loves you to know what to do and say so that you feel loved. Let him or her know, specifically.

Some of us enjoy sending or receiving cards and flowers. Some appreciate behaviors like getting the car washed, taking the dog for a walk or initiating an evening out.

How do you like to be touched? Do you appreciate a bear hug? A gentle pat or soft kiss as your partner walks past? How do you express affection and sexual desire?

Do you let your partner know when s/he pleases or tickles you? Do you ask, in a very gentle and respectful way, for what you need and like?

Receiving and expressing touch, affection and desires of a sexual nature are very personal and as unique to you as your finger prints. It is our job to be as direct and candid as we can and really educate our partners about us and what we want/need and how to meet those legitimate needs.

What words resonate deep inside your heart? What behaviors tickle you or move you?

Take some time to deepen your awareness of what you need and want to hear and experience that means you are loved. Ask your partner these questions and become an expert on what makes him or her feel loved.


Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

Virginia Satir was a pioneer in the field of Family Therapy and internationally acclaimed as a therapist, educator, and author. She was known for her special warmth and for her remarkable insight into human communication and self-esteem.

Based on her conviction that people are capable of continued growth, change and new understanding, her goal was to improve relationships and communication within the family unit. Virginia Satir stayed at the forefront of human growth and family therapy until her death in 1988.

I recently facilitated a Couple’s Communication TeleDiscussion and I routinely provide The Five Freedoms in handout materials. No matter how many times I read them, I am always struck by the simplicity and powerfulness of Satir’s ‘Five Freedoms’ and I am moved to a more connected place deep within myself.

I hope they are meaningful to you and would love to hear what you think! Please post your comments using the comment link below



Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

I bet you didn’t know there are 100 million single men and women in the United States today.

What does being single mean to you?

Being single is not…

• An affliction
• A condition
• An unfortunate state
• A problem
• Something that you need to change

Being single is not evidence …

• that you are not lovable
• that there is something wrong with you
• that you need to be better, different or more

Each one of us has a unique purpose. We create meaningful work, rich relationships and a magnificent, fulfilling life when we live on purpose. When we live from our being we live a life in alignment with our vision, values and life purpose. When we live from our being we can genuinely love and be loved by others.

Don’t confuse being single with living a life that is less than. Avoid judging and comparing the lives of others. Richness, passion, satisfaction, fulfillment and personal reward come in many different packages.

Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

How are your New Year’s Resolutions going? Are you successfully achieving your goals? Or have you failed already?

If you are in the miniscule percentage of people who are successfully achieving your goals, congratulations!

For everyone else, don’t give it a second thought if you have already failed and have decided “to heck with that stuff anyway!”

New Year’s Resolutions are a set-up for failure. Changing anything in life when you do so with intention is hard enough, never mind trying to change something based on faulty thinking and faulty planning.

Here’s a simple three-step formula to make any change you wish in your life:

First, decide what behavior you want to change or goal you want to achieve. Carefully craft a statement about one or two benefits that will come as a result of changing this behavior or achieving this goal.

How will your life be enriched or improved if you change this behavior or achieve this goal?

Next, make a list of the relevant steps necessary to attain this goal. Be sure to include short-term, mid-term and long-term benefits so you can feel good about all the tiny wins you will have on your way to making this change or achieving this goal.

Last, be sure to include two or three strategies that you are planning to employ. Also include two or three special people who will be your cheerleaders and support you through this time of change.

Relationships can tolerate and accommodate changes if and when partners are included in the process. Sit down and tell your partner exactly what you want to change. Include all the benefits you expect to enjoy and what your partner can anticipate from these changes.

Tell your partner who is on your cheerleader team. Be specific about the role of each person. Ask your partner for any feedback or for any support you need from him or her.

This is the recipe for successful life change, not just a New Year’s Resolution that may last for an hour or for a day. Make the changes you desire for a lifetime.

Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

Well, it is that time of year again! Many of you around the world are beginning to think about holiday gift-giving. I believe that some issues in our lives come up over and over and that helpful reminders are timeless.

The holidays can be a confusing time for those who are "just" dating. There are so many considerations and questions that arise.

Gifts:

• Should I buy him a gift?
• Should I simply send her a card?
• Am I cheap or selfish if I don’t want to buy a gift at this point in our relationship?
• How will I look to him if I don’t?
• Am I creating some kind of pressure for her if I do?
• If I do, how much money should I spend?
• How personal a gift should I/can I buy?
• Is it okay to buy a gift that is simply a token of my enjoying his or her company?

Celebrations with Family and Friends:

• Should I invite him to my family’s home to light Hanukah candles?
• Should I invite her to my family’s for tree trimming/Midnight Mass/Christmas Eve/day/dinner?
• Should I include him in the traditional gift exchange? Is it okay to ask him to pay for a gift?
• Should I invite her to accompany me to my office party or to the homes of friends and family for holiday parties?
• What message will it send if I do or if I don’t?
• Is it rude to not include him or her?

Then there are even more quandaries and sticky situations you could find yourself in if you and your new Honey are of different faiths, or spiritual inclinations. And what if she has children or elderly parents living with her?

Happily for you, there is a perfect solution!

• Close your eyes
• Take a deep breath
• Go inside and ask yourself what you want to do

That’s all there is to it! What do you want to do? What will feel the most comfortable to you?

Here’s a tip: Would you be buying a gift at this particular point in time if it were not Christmas or Hanukah? Would you be inviting this man or woman to your family celebrations, office parties, or parties at the homes of friends if it were not Christmas or Hanukah?

If your answer is “no” then please don’t do it! If you aren’t sure, please don’t do it!

Don’t artificially accelerate the momentum of your relationship to accommodate the season of the year. Protect and preserve the nature and structure of your relationship at all costs. It’s worth it!

The hard part is finding the words to tell someone else what you want to do or don’t want to do. Here are two sample mini conversations to handle gift-giving and invitations to holiday celebrations:

Gift Giving/Receiving

…I am enjoying dating you and getting to know you. I want you to know that I feel awkward about the whole gift-giving dilemma. While I am a generous person and I like giving and receiving gifts, I am not comfortable giving you a gift or receiving a gift from you at this point in our relationship.

I would like to buy you something special when it is the right time for me not because we find ourselves dating during the holidays. What are your thoughts and feelings about this?


Inviting Him/Her to Holiday Celebrations

...I am enjoying dating you and getting to know you. I want you to know that I feel awkward about being invited to holiday/family celebrations and parties and including you or not including you. It feels a little soon to be including you in family traditions and I am worried that I will hurt your feelings if I don’t invite you.

I want to invite you and include you when it feels right inside for me to do that, not because all these opportunities are coming up because it is Christmas/Hanukah time and because I feel worried about your reaction. This whole conversation is very difficult for me to have right now. What are your thoughts and feelings about any of this?


Your job is still your job…to identify what you need or want, figure out what the words are so you say exactly what you mean and find the courage inside to tell your truth to the best of your ability at any given moment to the people in your life.

If you have a special circumstance you would like some feedback about, please email me and I’ll be happy to work this out with you.

I extend my warmest wishes to you and yours for a healthy, safe and joyful holiday season. 2006 was an amazing year. Together we are going to make 2007 the year that we create our best life and love life for the rest of our life!

Thank you for being you and for being here with me!

Take very good care and see you next year, everybody!

Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

We live in the era of dating web sites; lunch dates set up by matchmaking companies who charge lots of money; singles bars where the patrons resemble sharks during a feeding frenzy; and speed dating events during which you are supposed to meet eight members of the opposite sex, have eight, three-minute meaningful conversations and decide if you are interested in going on a date with any or all of them.

Dating and courting are lost arts and, apparently so are both telling someone in person that you are not interested in going out with them and writing your own love letters from your heart!

For example, the Rejection Line, is a telephone phone number (provided by www.RejectionHotline.com) that members give out when they don't want to give out their real telephone number.

Callers hear a humorous recording and are not-so-subtly informed that the person who gave them the number is not interested in going out with them.

For those who prefer to give an innocent optimistic pursuer an email address that will respond to their first brave foray into getting to know them better, there are choices, too:

The Rejection Hotline folks host noitcejer.com (that is rejection spelled backwards). Rejection Business Cards are available with your hometown Rejection Hotline telephone number and a noitcejer.com email address.

The screen loads and a message appears that in essence says…"We're sorry, but Noitcejer is not a real company. You probably got this web address off a phony business card provided by The Rejection Hotline... because the person who gave you this business card did not want you to have any of their real contact information…"

Paper Napkin.com offers the same concept. If someone asks one of their members for his or her email address so they can contact him/her for a date, it is now possible to give them anyname@papernapkin.net (or paamail.com, to be less suspicious).

When they email the person, they will automatically get a response message much like the ones above.

Oh dear! While on the one hand I can have a sense of humor about things, on the other hand, I am concerned, to say the least, that the sheer numbers of people who are paying good money for these services are not joking around.

Telling our most personal truth and coming from our deepest place of personal honesty and integrity can be scary, intimidating and threatening.

We risk exposure, embarrassment, humiliation, anxiety and, yes, maybe sometimes rejection.

There is no substitute for connecting, even for just a moment, with the humanity of another and speaking from our heart. Maybe the hordes of people we are trying to meet and manage is the problem.

It has never been easy to tell someone that you are not interested in seeing him again or going out with her in the first place.

But life isn’t supposed to be easy. At the end of the day we have to live our best life through our values.

It certainly doesn’t match any of my values to give out phony telephone numbers and email addresses to innocent strangers whose only sin was to have an interest in getting to know me better.

And it certainly doesn’t match for me to send the man I love most in the world a fill-in-the-blank love letter.

How about for you?

Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

Recently, I received a copy of the following speech from a very dear friend. I am always grateful to be reminded of what is truly important. I hope this is a welcome reminder for you too. Have a good month!

[The following is a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Anna Quindlen]

I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work.

You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree... there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account, but your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is a cold comfort on a winter night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've gotten back the test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the center of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh.

I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cutout. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, or at best mediocre at my job, if those other things were not true. You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are.

So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red tailed hawk circles over the water or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter.

Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beers and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister.

All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough. It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get.

I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived.

'Rest not, life is sweeping by! Go and dare before you die! Something mighty and sublime leave behind to conquer time.'



Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!

This tip focuses on holiday gift giving for family and friends. The holidays can be a stressful time of year for many people. Often you are juggling shopping, traveling, visiting and entertaining. For many of you, the most stressful part of the holidays is family gift giving.

Here are some suggestions to ease your stress:

Key questions to ask yourself:

• Who do I want to buy gifts for?
  
• How much do I want to spend?
  
• What do I want to give?

Make a list of all of the people you would like to buy gifts for. Set a budget of how much you’d like to spend and then jot down at least two gift ideas for each person on your list.

Tips to reduce the number of gifts you buy:

Make a list of all family members, write each person’s name on a slip of paper, each adult selects one slip of paper and only buys a gift for that family member. You only have to buy one gift and no one gets left out.

Agree among all the adult gift-givers on a dollar limit and do not exceed the agreed-to amount when purchasing your gift.

Only buy gifts for children under 17 and grandparents.

For more distant relatives or friends, send a nice holiday card with a family photo instead of a gift.

Tips to spend less money:

• Buy gift certificates for movies, ice cream shops or coffee shops.
  
• Bake cookies or banana bread and wrap in an inexpensive tin or basket. Use this as a hostess gift or give to your child’s teacher or school bus driver.
  
• Take advantage of your arts and crafts skills: knit a sweater or scarf, build a bird feeder, make a bulletin board with fabric and ribbon, make a scrapbook of family photos or a personalized calendar.

Tips to save time:

• Ask family members and friends to fill out “Wish Lists.” This is a great way to get an idea of what people want and need.

• Shop online or in catalogs. Many stores offer free shipping.

• Set a time to shop. Get a babysitter if necessary.

• Create a detailed plan including which stores to visit and what items you are shopping for.

• Don’t leave home without your list

Get organized, be creative and resourceful and enjoy the holiday season!

Happy shopping everyone!


Until next time remember...

Only YOU can make it Happen!