AskDrJackie.com - Comments

Dwayne Phillips: The Five Freedoms By Virginia Satir (1916-1988)

nospam@example.com (Dwayne Phillips) — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 05:24:36 -0700

I was searching today for Satir's Five Freedoms so that I could share them with someone. Google pointed me to your site. I have studied Satir principles the last ten years mostly through consultant Jerry Weinberg (http://geraldmweinberg.com). Weinberg knew, studied under, and worked with Satir personally for many years. He continues to share her principles with others who then share them with others.

I am happy to see them mentioned on your site. The Five Freedoms are, what else, liberating.

Sarah: The Five Freedoms By Virginia Satir (1916-1988)

nospam@example.com (Sarah) — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 05:48:07 -0700

Tag... you're it!

Dr. Jackie: About Having Needs and Getting Them Met By Others

nospam@example.com (Dr. Jackie) — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 22:43:26 -0700

Dr. Jackie

Hello: Thank you very much for your email.

I applaud your courage to leave an abusive relationship. You are reclaiming your present and your entire future.

You are right on target when you focus on acknowledging your legitimate needs and shifting your “self-talk” away from guilt/shame to self-affirming, self-esteeming beliefs.

Let me add important information about guilt and shame to this conversation.

Guilt is a normal, natural and necessary feeling. Guilt is as normal as fatigue and hunger.

If guilt had words guilt would say, “ERG! I wish I had done or said or hadn’t done or said this or that.”

Guilt is directly related to Behavior.

If shame had words shame would say, “I’m bad; I am so stupid; I can’t believe that I did/said this or that; or didn’t do/say this or that; there must be something wrong with me; if I was better, different and more I would be okay.”

Shame is directly related to our Being. Shame is like rust to our spirit!

You must resist shame at all times and focus directly and specifically on your behavior. Trust and believe that you are good and you are enough.

If this first step is difficult or seems impossible for you I strongly encourage you to find a mental health care professional and get to work!

If you can stay focused on your behavior then here’s the next step:

Understand that needs are legitimate.

Decide that from this day forward you are going to live in the truth about what you know.

Give yourself permission to know what your needs are; ask for what you need and want; meet the needs that are yours to meet; and ask others to meet the needs that can only be met by others.

This is very big work and you are worth it!
Please let me know how you are doing!

I wish you the very best on your path to being and becoming your best and most brilliant Self!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Dr. Jackie

MTS: About Having Needs and Getting Them Met By Others

nospam@example.com (MTS) — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 20:20:48 -0700

I am currently exiting a six year abusive relationship where, not only were my needs not being met, but were simply not allowed to exist. I was convinced by my partner that my needs were demands and therefore not valid.
I have caught myself falling into the "I can do it myself" self sufficiency trap promoted by the current culture, and while a bit scary I have begun the inner dialogue that acknowledges my needs and not feel ashamed for having them.
Do you have advice for overcoming the guilt/shame that one may experience while being truthful in asking for what one needs?

Bill: Understanding the Process of Grieving

nospam@example.com (Bill) — Wed, 07 Jun 2006 12:36:10 -0600

You know what I found MOST enlightening about this post is the varied amount of issues that can be considered a loss to grieve over

While I myself may not see something as being a "big deal" (ie: if your dog dies) it can be very important to my significant other as a travesty and should be responded to as such...

Where as normally I would simply say "get another dog, it isn't like your mother died, get over it" I think I will try a little bit harder to put myself into HER shoes and be as supportive as I can when these situations arise.

These are the things I LOVE about Dr Jackie! Reading her words of wisdom has proven to be so valuable on oh so many levels!

Thanks Doc!

Bill

Bill: Welcome to My Personal Relationship and Coaching Blog.

nospam@example.com (Bill) — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:32:43 -0600

Feel free to comment on this blog, but bear in mind we do moderate postings to keep spam off the site.

(that means we will approve all posts BEFORE they are published, but they will always be put online within 24 hours)

Bill: Welcome to My Personal Relationship and Coaching Blog.

nospam@example.com (Bill) — Mon, 15 May 2006 16:24:35 -0600

I am very much looking forward to your insight Dr Jackie!