How Do Boundaries Work?

We learn to set boundaries to protect two different parts of Self:

Boundaries for our Outside Self, which protect our body and control distance and touch.

Boundaries for our Inside Self, which act as filters or blocks to protect our thinking, feeling and behavior

Boundaries that protect our Outside Self can be violated by such actions as:

Touching or standing too close without permission.

Intruding on a person’s privacy; for instance, walking into the bathroom or bedroom without knocking, or getting into another’s personal possessions without permission

Boundaries that protect our Inside Self can be violated by such actions as:

Yelling, screaming, name calling, ridiculing, lying, patronizing and sarcasm.

Negative control.

Unrealistic expectations.

Demanding one’s own way or point of view as the only choice.

A boundary is not a barrier. Setting boundaries raises your sense of self-worth and self-esteem because you are sending yourself the message that you are worthy of care.

Setting and maintaining your own boundaries and honoring the boundaries of others are skills that can be learned.

It takes mindfulness, intention and practice. Be patient with yourself as you learn and practice these important and valuable skills. It is worth it–And so are you!

Until next time remember…

Only YOU can make it Happen!

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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