Settling, Compromising & Negotiating: What are the Differences?

Too often we think we have successfully compromised or negotiated an issue with a loved one when, in fact, we have actually given up, given in or settled.  Where do these actions come from, and how do you recognize them?

Giving Up and Giving In

Giving up and giving in are completely unacceptable ways of resolving issues, handling disagreements or solving problems. Giving up and giving in are signs that you feel powerless and undeserving. Anger and resentment are sure to follow. Nothing good ever comes from giving up or giving in!


Settling is a behavior of the injured, younger part of yourself. It is that part of you which lacks belief and trust that you are loveable and that you deserve what you need and want.

Settling is often the result of you not recognizing that your thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, needs and wants are legitimate. When you do not honor your right to have your needs and regard them as legitimate, be aware, you will more than likely settle.

Compromising & Negotiating

Compromising and negotiating are behaviors of your integrated adult. It is that part of you that is emotionally mature and emotionally literate.

Your integrated adult is wise, rational and loving and you can trust your decisions, communications and behaviors when they are sourced from that part of you.

The art of compromising and negotiating requires that two or more people combine the qualities or elements of different things and reach consent by mutual agreement. Compromising and negotiating often mean an accommodation in which both sides make concessions.

Compromise is often a middle way between two extremes. Negotiation is often a discussion in which each person decides what and how much to concede or accommodate and mutually agree to the outcome.

Compromising and negotiating can only occur when you honor and respect your thoughts, attitudes, values, beliefs, needs and wants, hopes and dreams and deem them legitimate; are able and willing to ask for what you need and want; and are able and willing to receive what you have asked for.

Call timeout on giving up, giving in and settling. Go for fully honoring who you are and design and live your best life and love life!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Dr Jackie Black Newsletter

Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

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