Agreement and Commitments

The Big Wedding ~ First Comes Knowledge, then Comes Marriage

Wedding season is now in full swing!

Newlyweds throughout the world spend more time, energy and money on their weddings than on building their relationships and divorce-proofing their marriages!

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, premarital education is associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction, lower levels of destructive conflicts and higher levels of interpersonal commitment to spouses.

The results of a survey in four states in the U.S., strongly suggests that couples that received premarital education had a 31% lower chance of divorce.

What does it take to build a healthy, committed, joyful and lasting relationship?

It takes…

  • Individual and Shared Vision, Values, and Marriage Goals
  • Extreme Self-Awareness and Partner-Awareness
  • Understanding the influences of Your family, My family and Our family
  • Skills to Reduce Conflict, Repair Hurt Feelings, and Reestablish the Status Quo
  • Recognizing Disappointment and Disillusionment
  • Improving Listening and Communication Skills
  • Setting, Maintaining and Honoring Boundaries
  • Elegantly Crafting Agreements and Commitments
  • Willingness and Ability to talk about Sex and Intimacy, and Money

Getting married without Premarital or Newlywed coaching is like getting behind the wheel of a car without a driver’s license; or starting a business without a business plan.

Information and awareness prepares you for the inevitable challenges, conflicts and discontent that are normal and are to be expected when you begin to weave your lives together to create the rich tapestry we call marriage.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

You are invited to stay in the know by listening to
Dr. Jackie’s Relationship-focused Podcast

15-Steps to Crafting Elegant & Effective Agreements

Couples join forces with one another by forming agreements. Agreements are expressed in writing or verbally during very intentional conversations.

Most of us have never learned how to craft effective, explicit agreements. It is a skill we were never taught, even though it is fundamental to all relationships and a basic life skill.

Below is a method I believe every committed couple should learn and use over and over again. It also works beautifully with any two or more people who wish to make agreements that honor who they are and their relationship, and ensures that they end up with a *Win-Win* outcome.

15-Steps to Elegant and Effective Agreements:

1.   Create and clearly articulate your joint vision with as much rich detail as possible. Be sure that both of you participate with eagerness and passion.

2.   Be sure that both of you are creating the agreement with intention and with a belief that you are well served making and honoring the agreement.

3.   Make a list of each person’s strengths, gifts, skills and talents that are available to be drawn on by each of you.

4.   Identify, with as much detail as possible, all the aspects of what it is you are coming to agreement about. A joint plan works best when you are both working toward the same joint vision.

5.   Be certain that each of you understands and acknowledges the actions (behaviors), attitudes, and responsibilities that are associated with the agreement for yourself and your partner.

6.   Decide together if the actions and attitudes are sufficient to result in the desired outcome(s). If no, identify what additional actions and attitudes must be included and by whom.

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Agreements: The Road Map for Success

Effective Agreements

Life is an ongoing process of creating agreements with others. An effective agreement means more than getting another person to do what you want. It means a true commitment from both people.

Successful Agreements

Your overall effectiveness in making and honoring agreements is greatly increased if you pay attention to three important elements:

  1. Clarify your personal values.
  2. Clarify your Vision as an individual.
  3. Clarify your Vision and Purpose as a Couple.

These three pieces will provide a strong foundation from which to commit to your agreements and achieve more consistent and satisfying results.

The Road Map for Success

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Are New Year’s Resolutions a Set-up for Failure?

How are your New Year’s Resolutions going? Are you successfully achieving your goals? Or have you failed already?

If you are in the minuscule percentage of people who are successfully achieving your goals, congratulations!

For everyone else, don’t give it a second thought if you have already failed and have decided “to heck with that stuff anyway!”

New Year’s Resolutions are a set-up for failure. Changing anything in life when you do so with intention is hard enough, never mind trying to change something based on faulty thinking and faulty planning.

Here’s a simple three-step formula to make any change you wish in your life:

First, decide what behavior you want to change or goal you want to achieve. Carefully craft a statement about one or two benefits that will come as a result of changing this behavior or achieving this goal.

How will your life be enriched or improved if you change this behavior or achieve this goal?

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You’ve Got One Shot at Love

What if you have one shot at creating the best relationship ever…

The fact of the matter is that everyone would be much better off if we actually believed that we only had one shot to build the relationship of our dreams.

Too many smart, articulate and successful adults around the world go into relationships without deliberate intention, and with the belief that if it doesn’t work they can break up or get divorced.

That one concept is poison to the entire relationship-building process!

  • Decide that divorce is NOT an option.
  • Figure out who you are in the deepest recesses of your being.
  • Stop acting from fear.
  • Stop settling for anything in your relationship just being good enough!

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com