Attitudes

Does More Time Really Equal More Fun?

Most of us have a lifetime of responding to the signals of others without regard for who we are or what we need or want. The “art of being” is the order of the day; the art of knowing and accepting yourself; living in passion and joy; embracing and valuing fun and leisure.

Every day we are bombarded by erroneous and damaging messages in the culture that tell us that personal happiness, having fun, and self interest are bad and wrong, evil in some way, not worthy or valuable pursuits.

There must be a balance of work and play, seriousness and fun, activity and rest. Being in harmony with your true nature and living the life you were meant to live, means you must reconnect with that natural self and honor and affirm that self on an on-going basis. It means cherish your own desires, formulate your own values, and remain true to them.

Begin to take time for yourself without deciding that each moment has to be spent productively. In the beginning you may have to schedule this time to ensure that you take it. Many adults never become completely comfortable playing or even with the idea of having fun or spending leisure time.

Here is an exercise you can use to help you uncover and discover underlying beliefs about fun, deserving to have fun, spending money to create the opportunity to have fun, and wanting to be with others or by yourself when you have fun.

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Divorce is a Legitimate Choice

For many men and women in a wide variety of situations divorce is a legitimate and appropriate choice.

Getting divorced is a process and consists of 3 main elements:

  • Emotional
  • Financial
  • Legal

Healing from divorce is not easy. It is often a long and excruciating process and always brings out strong emotions. The divorce process frequently leaves people feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, helpless, empty and emotionally raw and overwhelmed.

If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, the best recommendation I have is to put together a team of knowledgeable, experienced professionals who will work on your behalf for the best possible outcome for you!

Lawyers, mediators, therapists, coaches, accountants, clergy and financial planners all have valuable points of view to consider. If you have children, stay in close communication with your children’s teachers and the parents of their friends.

An important part of the repair process is learning to honor and heal the many emotions of divorce. Please remember that all these emotions are a normal and natural response to divorce: Continue reading

Making Sense of the Dating Process

Dating is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end. Very importantly, the process is different depending on why you are dating.

If you are Dating to Find Your Ideal Partner, be crystal clear about it; the more you know what you want the more likely you will be successful finding your ideal partner.

If you are Dating For Friendship or to Create Social Opportunities take the time to find the right words to let the men or women you are dating know that is why you are dating; be clear about not being ready for a committed relationship.

Be a good observer of your feelings and behavior. Be willing to let the people you date experience you, in the places in which you are the most comfortable doing the things that you most love to do.

Stop Dead-end Dating

If your goal is to find your ideal partner, then stop dating the person you are dating as soon as you recognize that she or he is not your ideal match; don’t keep dating just because it is convenient. Approach dating as a process of discovery, realizing that the end of the process is discovering your ideal match; it will save you lots of wear and tear on your emotions.

Identifying Your Ideal Match

We create our life and our love life through our beliefs, intentions and the actions we take in the world. Vision, Needs/Values, Life Purpose and Mission are the four corners, the foundational pieces of each person’s inner life. Continue reading

Your Life Circle—A Celebration of You

Rituals and celebrations are ways to intentionally create meaningful connections with special and important events and people. Many of us already celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and various holidays including rituals we may not even recognize as such.

I invite you to stretch beyond your comfort zone and experiment with the idea of ritual by starting with a ritual blessing yourself!

Here is an example of a ritual celebrating YOU! Dr. Barbara Ardinger created this Self-Blessing ritual. You can find the complete version of this ritual in her book A Woman’s Book of Rituals & Celebrations.

The Instructions:

Spend a few minutes gathering twelve things or representations of things (photographs or symbols) that you believe make an accurate picture of you. These things can include your daily organizer, car keys, a favorite object from your grandmother or a book you bought yesterday.

Sit in the middle of the floor and arrange the objects around you. Behind you place three things from your childhood; things passed down to you. Before you place three things new to your life; recent acquisitions, evidence of new interests. To your left place three left-brain things; things associated with numbers, logical thought, order, business, rational, logical and intellectual thought. To your right place three right-brain things; things associated with art, creativity, comfort and luxury, feelings, the religious or spiritual part of you life, beauty and nature.

If you can, distribute these evenly throughout the four quarters. Don’t worry if you cannot and your circle ends up lop-sided.

Now light a pink or green candle and set it before you. Read the following blessing or tape it beforehand and listen to it:

I bless myself
–and these things around me
–these things that make the circle of my life.
I bless myself
–and my past
For in blessing my past
–and these things that I bring from ages past
I become who I am now.
Good or bad, cheerful or painful, my past is a blessing,
–for it has formed me
–shaped me
–held me
–released me
–thrust me into the present.
I bless my past in me.

I bless myself
–and these things to my left and right.
I bless myself
–in my present
–the two halves of who I am today.
For in blessing both my intellect and my emotions
–and these things I gather into the life I live now
I recognize who I am now.
–Left and right
–rational and spiritual
–words and images
–austerity and comfort-
I bring divisions together.
My present blesses me
–for it is how I am in the world
–how I think and feel
–how I act and live.
It pulls me out of the past
–and thrusts me into the future.
I bless my life as it is today.

I bless myself
–and the things that point to what is to come.
I bless myself
–and my uncertainties, my potentialities, my future.
For in blessing what is new in my life
I move forward what I can be:
–unknown but shown
–unpredictable but mapped
–potential to be fulfilled.
My future is waiting for me
–more of who I am is waiting for me to be reborn.
I bless my life as it is now,
–every day of my life.

Sit quietly for as long as you want to, feeling the energies of the things in the circle of your life. Contemplate who you have been, who you are now, who you are becoming. Realize that you are blessed in your life, that you are a blessing to other lives.

At the end, blow out the candle, put all your things into their proper places and go on with your day.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

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Living Single is Not a Condition to Improve

Many of us find ourselves un-partnered at various times in our lives. How do you experience being single and uninvolved?

Do you worry that you are unloved, or will never find that special someone to love?

Did you feel relief at the end of a marriage or relationship that was contentious or disappointing, one fraught with conflict and dissension?

Each one of us has our own unique experience of being single and living alone. For some men and women, being single is a message that he or she is not good enough, or is flawed in some serious way. People tell me that being single is the evidence that there is something wrong with them.

Sometimes men and women without partners are afraid that friends and family members think they are alone because they are not worth being cared for. Some single people feel self-conscious going into restaurants alone or with friends, especially on weekend nights.

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Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com