Communication

The Big Wedding ~ First Comes Knowledge, then Comes Marriage

Wedding season is now in full swing!

Newlyweds throughout the world spend more time, energy and money on their weddings than on building their relationships and divorce-proofing their marriages!

According to the Journal of Family Psychology, premarital education is associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction, lower levels of destructive conflicts and higher levels of interpersonal commitment to spouses.

The results of a survey in four states in the U.S., strongly suggests that couples that received premarital education had a 31% lower chance of divorce.

What does it take to build a healthy, committed, joyful and lasting relationship?

It takes…

  • Individual and Shared Vision, Values, and Marriage Goals
  • Extreme Self-Awareness and Partner-Awareness
  • Understanding the influences of Your family, My family and Our family
  • Skills to Reduce Conflict, Repair Hurt Feelings, and Reestablish the Status Quo
  • Recognizing Disappointment and Disillusionment
  • Improving Listening and Communication Skills
  • Setting, Maintaining and Honoring Boundaries
  • Elegantly Crafting Agreements and Commitments
  • Willingness and Ability to talk about Sex and Intimacy, and Money

Getting married without Premarital or Newlywed coaching is like getting behind the wheel of a car without a driver’s license; or starting a business without a business plan.

Information and awareness prepares you for the inevitable challenges, conflicts and discontent that are normal and are to be expected when you begin to weave your lives together to create the rich tapestry we call marriage.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

You are invited to stay in the know by listening to
Dr. Jackie’s Relationship-focused Podcast

Declare June Marriage Renewal Month

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young

We live in a contemporary society that often ignores the value and importance of B-E-I-N-G.

June is known as the wedding month in the US and in many other countries around the world.

If you are a soon-to-be-married couple, I vigorously encourage you to spend much more time focusing on how to co-create a strong and lasting marriage than you do on your wedding plans. Once all the food is eaten and the guests have gone home the wedding will be over. But your married life will just be starting and you are in charge of how happy and satisfied you will be for the rest of your life.

While the Huffington Post reports that getting spicy and adding the element of surprise are hot wedding trends, the fact of the matter is that you will be much better served by learning how to keep the love you feel on your wedding day just as strong in year ten as it was that day!

Staying happy in a relationship and feeling loving and satisfied for years and years can be tricky at best. Be very mindful and intentional about NOT getting sucked into the logistical ruts most couples fall into who is going to do what, when and how; rather than keeping those embers of intimacy and romance burning on and on.

Whether you are married for a few weeks or for a number of decades, declare the month of June to be Marriage Renewal Month; the month you will renew and revitalize your marriage; to reconnect to each other and recommit to whatever will nurture and support your life and your love-life for many more years.

Here are 3-Simple Steps to Renew Your Marriage this month:

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Making Sense of the Dating Process

Dating is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end. Very importantly, the process is different depending on why you are dating.

If you are Dating to Find Your Ideal Partner, be crystal clear about it; the more you know what you want the more likely you will be successful finding your ideal partner.

If you are Dating For Friendship or to Create Social Opportunities take the time to find the right words to let the men or women you are dating know that is why you are dating; be clear about not being ready for a committed relationship.

Be a good observer of your feelings and behavior. Be willing to let the people you date experience you, in the places in which you are the most comfortable doing the things that you most love to do.

Stop Dead-end Dating

If your goal is to find your ideal partner, then stop dating the person you are dating as soon as you recognize that she or he is not your ideal match; don’t keep dating just because it is convenient. Approach dating as a process of discovery, realizing that the end of the process is discovering your ideal match; it will save you lots of wear and tear on your emotions.

Identifying Your Ideal Match

We create our life and our love life through our beliefs, intentions and the actions we take in the world. Vision, Needs/Values, Life Purpose and Mission are the four corners, the foundational pieces of each person’s inner life. Continue reading

Plan to Go Places and Do Things You Enjoy

When you plan a date, plan to participate in interests and activities that you enjoy. Invite someone into your life. Be willing to let the people you date experience you, in the places in which you are the most comfortable doing the things that you most love to do.

Dates are a time to create opportunities to do the things you most enjoy. On dates, listen carefully to your inner voice(s) and to the person you are with. Experience the other person and who he or she is in their heart and soul.

Married and committed couples–this is your opportunity to go inside yourself and figure out how to plan fun and leisure time. Many adults never become completely comfortable playing or even with the idea of having fun or spending leisure time. Take turns planning your special time together.

Doing things together strengthens a relationship, but all too often you are reacting to messages from the past that tell you that personal happiness, having fun, and self-interest are not worthy or valuable pursuits. Nonsense! I invite you to break free of other people’s limiting beliefs and values, exploring family dynamics, and challenging cultural models that may keep you stuck is life-long work. Ironically, part of the work is learning how to create and enjoy leisure time, recognizing and acknowledging the value of fun (play) and bringing balance into your life.

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It’s Almost Valentine’s Day—Have a Love Conversation!

Is this a day you are looking forward to? Or dreading?

In my experience, women are more triggered by Valentine’s Day forgetfulness or inattention than men. So, in the spirit of averting a Valentine’s Day disaster in your relationship, this advice is for the ladies!

Are you excited about showing your love and affection; and letting that special man in your life know how much he means to you?

Do you find yourself worrying that your Honey might forget to plan ahead and not send you flowers, buy Godiva Chocolate or that tennis bracelet you’ve been hinting you really want to have?

Check out your expectations about “being remembered” and the meaning you make related to certain behaviors.

For example:

  • He bought me beautiful flowers: He loves me. He is so thoughtful.
  • He gave me a very sweet card: He loves me so much and thinks I am special.
  • He sent me a card from the kids: He is so wonderful and I am so important to him.
  • He didn’t even go to the grocery store and buy flowers: He is so uncaring and unappreciative about everything I do.
  • He didn’t even get me a simple card: He’s so thoughtless and doesn’t appreciate me.

Heads up, ladies!

Valentine’s Day is not the designated day of the year that your partner is tasked with proving to you that he loves you and that you are special and the center of his world.

Valentine’s Day is just like every other day! It is another rich opportunity for emotionally intelligent partners to co-create the celebration that matches their love, commitment and joy of being together.

If you are looking for evidence that you are special or loved, you and your relationship are in trouble!

Emotionally intelligent partners bring their energy, sentimentality, and creativity to the table and together, they plan exactly how to celebrate their love and each other on Valentine’s Day.

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Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com