Emotion

Bride Walks Down the Aisle and Has Everyone in Tears

If ever there’s a moment in a girl’s life when she’s guaranteed to be the center of attention, it’s when she’s walking down the aisle at her wedding. This bride took advantage of a captive audience to bring the house down and do something very special for her future husband. Everyone was in tears – especially the groom.

I was very touched by this bride’s intention to send a very special message to her groom, and I noticed that I was equally hopeful that they spend the time and make the effort to ensure that the love and caring they obviously shared on the day of their wedding will stay strong and lasting throughout their lives. I think it is worth saying again: Love is NOT enough. Love + Self-knowledge + Partner-knowledge + the Essential Relationship Success Skills = a Happy and lasting Relationship! Building the life that you love with the love of your life is completely do-able. May your deliberate intention light the way forward to many years of a deeply satisfying love life.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

You are invited to stay in the know by listening to
Dr. Jackie’s Relationship-focused Podcast

What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around him or her; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed?

The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear.

You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present inside us immediately, and is very different from the emotional recognition that someone has died; really getting that you will never see his face again; never hear her voice again; never be able to throw your arms around each other and share a bear hug.

The emotional recognition is a normal, natural and necessary process we call grieving.

Recognize that people who are grieving the loss of a loved one – even the death of an elderly person who had a good life and whose death was expected – are experiencing something that is incomprehensible. Inexplicable. Unimaginable. Inconsolable.

And in fact, sometimes people say the most stupid things to people who are grieving – even with the best of intentions.

Don’t Say This to a Grieving Person
Continue reading

Divorce is a Legitimate Choice

For many men and women in a wide variety of situations divorce is a legitimate and appropriate choice.

Getting divorced is a process and consists of 3 main elements:

  • Emotional
  • Financial
  • Legal

Healing from divorce is not easy. It is often a long and excruciating process and always brings out strong emotions. The divorce process frequently leaves people feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, helpless, empty and emotionally raw and overwhelmed.

If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, the best recommendation I have is to put together a team of knowledgeable, experienced professionals who will work on your behalf for the best possible outcome for you!

Lawyers, mediators, therapists, coaches, accountants, clergy and financial planners all have valuable points of view to consider. If you have children, stay in close communication with your children’s teachers and the parents of their friends.

An important part of the repair process is learning to honor and heal the many emotions of divorce. Please remember that all these emotions are a normal and natural response to divorce: Continue reading

Your Life Circle—A Celebration of You

Rituals and celebrations are ways to intentionally create meaningful connections with special and important events and people. Many of us already celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and various holidays including rituals we may not even recognize as such.

I invite you to stretch beyond your comfort zone and experiment with the idea of ritual by starting with a ritual blessing yourself!

Here is an example of a ritual celebrating YOU! Dr. Barbara Ardinger created this Self-Blessing ritual. You can find the complete version of this ritual in her book A Woman’s Book of Rituals & Celebrations.

The Instructions:

Spend a few minutes gathering twelve things or representations of things (photographs or symbols) that you believe make an accurate picture of you. These things can include your daily organizer, car keys, a favorite object from your grandmother or a book you bought yesterday.

Sit in the middle of the floor and arrange the objects around you. Behind you place three things from your childhood; things passed down to you. Before you place three things new to your life; recent acquisitions, evidence of new interests. To your left place three left-brain things; things associated with numbers, logical thought, order, business, rational, logical and intellectual thought. To your right place three right-brain things; things associated with art, creativity, comfort and luxury, feelings, the religious or spiritual part of you life, beauty and nature.

If you can, distribute these evenly throughout the four quarters. Don’t worry if you cannot and your circle ends up lop-sided.

Now light a pink or green candle and set it before you. Read the following blessing or tape it beforehand and listen to it:

I bless myself
–and these things around me
–these things that make the circle of my life.
I bless myself
–and my past
For in blessing my past
–and these things that I bring from ages past
I become who I am now.
Good or bad, cheerful or painful, my past is a blessing,
–for it has formed me
–shaped me
–held me
–released me
–thrust me into the present.
I bless my past in me.

I bless myself
–and these things to my left and right.
I bless myself
–in my present
–the two halves of who I am today.
For in blessing both my intellect and my emotions
–and these things I gather into the life I live now
I recognize who I am now.
–Left and right
–rational and spiritual
–words and images
–austerity and comfort-
I bring divisions together.
My present blesses me
–for it is how I am in the world
–how I think and feel
–how I act and live.
It pulls me out of the past
–and thrusts me into the future.
I bless my life as it is today.

I bless myself
–and the things that point to what is to come.
I bless myself
–and my uncertainties, my potentialities, my future.
For in blessing what is new in my life
I move forward what I can be:
–unknown but shown
–unpredictable but mapped
–potential to be fulfilled.
My future is waiting for me
–more of who I am is waiting for me to be reborn.
I bless my life as it is now,
–every day of my life.

Sit quietly for as long as you want to, feeling the energies of the things in the circle of your life. Contemplate who you have been, who you are now, who you are becoming. Realize that you are blessed in your life, that you are a blessing to other lives.

At the end, blow out the candle, put all your things into their proper places and go on with your day.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

You are invited to stay in the know by listening to
Dr. Jackie’s Relationship-focused Podcast

Re-energize and Celebrate Your Love!

Relationships are like bank accounts. If you keep pulling money out without making deposits you will go bankrupt. What does the balance sheet of your love life look like?

You know, relationships are living breathing entities. Our investment of deliberate intention, and focused time, energy and attention is the order of the day. Your relationship can’t wait until it is convenient for you; or until you have finished everything on your to-do list; or until you are at leisure.

Being a successful Sweetheart and being a successful career person at the same time requires some serious intention, investment and commitment from both partners. Relationships grow and flourish when both people show up and make consistent deposits. One person alone, even if that one person makes huge deposits, cannot build and maintain a joyful, satisfying relationship for both of you.

Do you spend more time each week watching television or commuting to work than you do alone with your beloved? Or are you too busy to even have a beloved?

I think you’d agree that to keep that spark alive, you and your partner must spend quality, eyeball-to-eyeball time together.

Think back to when you first started dating. What did you do? What things did you both enjoy that you no longer make time to do?

Remind yourself, and each other, of all the reasons you fell in love.

Let your creative juices flow! Let your imagination go wild! Anything goes. This is the most important person in your life. Rejoice! Celebrate yourself and each other. Let this post-Valentine’s Day time be your good reason.

And if you haven’t met your special someone yet, the person who matches your values and makes your heart sing—remember, when you are actively engaged in the life that you love you more easily attract the love of your life!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

 

Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com

You are invited to stay in the know by listening to
Dr. Jackie’s Relationship-focused Podcast

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com