Intimate relationship

Declare June Marriage Renewal Month

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young

We live in a contemporary society that often ignores the value and importance of B-E-I-N-G.

June is known as the wedding month in the US and in many other countries around the world.

If you are a soon-to-be-married couple, I vigorously encourage you to spend much more time focusing on how to co-create a strong and lasting marriage than you do on your wedding plans. Once all the food is eaten and the guests have gone home the wedding will be over. But your married life will just be starting and you are in charge of how happy and satisfied you will be for the rest of your life.

While the Huffington Post reports that getting spicy and adding the element of surprise are hot wedding trends, the fact of the matter is that you will be much better served by learning how to keep the love you feel on your wedding day just as strong in year ten as it was that day!

Staying happy in a relationship and feeling loving and satisfied for years and years can be tricky at best. Be very mindful and intentional about NOT getting sucked into the logistical ruts most couples fall into who is going to do what, when and how; rather than keeping those embers of intimacy and romance burning on and on.

Whether you are married for a few weeks or for a number of decades, declare the month of June to be Marriage Renewal Month; the month you will renew and revitalize your marriage; to reconnect to each other and recommit to whatever will nurture and support your life and your love-life for many more years.

Here are 3-Simple Steps to Renew Your Marriage this month:

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You’ve Got One Shot at Love

What if you have one shot at creating the best relationship ever…

The fact of the matter is that everyone would be much better off if we actually believed that we only had one shot to build the relationship of our dreams.

Too many smart, articulate and successful adults around the world go into relationships without deliberate intention, and with the belief that if it doesn’t work they can break up or get divorced.

That one concept is poison to the entire relationship-building process!

  • Decide that divorce is NOT an option.
  • Figure out who you are in the deepest recesses of your being.
  • Stop acting from fear.
  • Stop settling for anything in your relationship just being good enough!

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Simple Romance Rituals to Keep the Divorce Gremlin Away

…the final in a series of Gardening Tips for Couples

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” —Margaret Young

We live in a contemporary society that values high-tech, the faster the better, and product stream; how fast can I make my widget? How many can I sell? How much can I sell them for?

It’s time to stop, look and listen:

  • Stop doing and start being
  • Look inside instead of outside of yourself
  • Listen to your inner voices in addition to your “head”

Common Rituals and Celebrations

Rituals and celebrations are one way to intentionally create meaningful connections with special and important events and people. Many people already celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.

Here are some common rituals and celebrations you might not recognize as such:

  • Graduations
  • Bachelor / Bachelorette Parties
  • Bon Voyage Parties
  • Promotion / Retirement
  • Bridal and Baby Showers
  • Wrap Parties in the Entertainment Industry
  • Funerals, Memorials, Celebrations of Life
  • Throwing coins in a fountain
  • Placing an extra candle on a birthday cake
  • Bride and Groom feeding each other cake
  • Sending cards to remember special occasions

You Can Create Easy Couple Romance Rituals

Celebrations and rituals do not have to be involved, complicated or expensive. It is the simple act of honoring your love and the caring you feel for your partner with your intention and attention.

Your Romance Ritual is something you decide on together; some specific behavior–something that you do with or say to the other, intentionally; and make an important part of your established routine. If you take the time and the effort to create your Romance Ritual and include it in your routines with each other, you will notice a marked increase in good will, less conflict and hurt feelings, and much more intimacy!

If this is something you’d like to try, finding your perfect Romance Ritual should be easy.

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Romance is Like Gardening

So often couples call and say…

“…My husband and I love each other and are very invested and committed in our relationship to each other and our kids. We go out on dates once a week; but our sexual/sensual relationship no longer exists…”

Or, “…My wife and I are wonderful companions and best friends but we’re not in love with each other anymore…”

Or, “…Do sexual feelings ever come back once they are lost?”

I believe that loving, feeling loved and being in love are terribly misunderstood concepts that lead couples to false expectations and assumptions about each other and their relationship.

The fact that couples report loving each other and being invested and committed in their relationship is very good news! I always am very heartened when I hear couples say that they are best friends or wonderful companions.

Those warm, endearing, respectful feelings toward one another are the foundation on which we build intimacy. Sensuality and sexuality can only exist and grow when relationships are based on those good feelings about each other; and the recognition that they care about each other and are connected to each other.

The problem is that contemporary couples don’t have accurate beliefs about what deepens and sustains those warm feelings toward each other and the experiences they have with each other.

Here’s a fact that every couple must understand: Sexuality, sensuality and intimacy can flourish in your relationship and are NOT dependent on time or energy!

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Declare June Marriage Renewal Month

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young

We live in a contemporary society that often ignores the value and importance of B-E-I-N-G.

June is known as the wedding month in the US and in many other countries around the world.

If you are a soon-to-be-married couple, I vigorously encourage you to spend much more time focusing on how to co-create a strong and lasting marriage than you do on your wedding plans. Once all the food is eaten and the guests have gone home the wedding will be over. But your married life will just be starting and you are in charge of how happy and satisfied you will be for the rest of your life.

While the Huffington Post reports that getting spicy and adding the element of surprise are hot wedding trends, the fact of the matter is that you will be much better served by learning how to keep the love you feel on your wedding day just as strong in year ten as it was that day!

Staying happy in a relationship and feeling loving and satisfied for years and years can be tricky at best. Be very mindful and intentional about NOT getting sucked into the logistical ruts most couples fall into who is going to do what, when and how; rather than keeping those embers of intimacy and romance burning on and on.

Whether you are married for a few weeks or for a number of decades, declare the month of June to be Marriage Renewal Month; the month you will renew and revitalize your marriage; to reconnect to each other and recommit to whatever will nurture and support your life and your love-life for many more years.

Here are 3-Simple Steps to Renew Your Marriage this month:

Continue reading

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com