Needs

Declare June Marriage Renewal Month

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young

We live in a contemporary society that often ignores the value and importance of B-E-I-N-G.

June is known as the wedding month in the US and in many other countries around the world.

If you are a soon-to-be-married couple, I vigorously encourage you to spend much more time focusing on how to co-create a strong and lasting marriage than you do on your wedding plans. Once all the food is eaten and the guests have gone home the wedding will be over. But your married life will just be starting and you are in charge of how happy and satisfied you will be for the rest of your life.

While the Huffington Post reports that getting spicy and adding the element of surprise are hot wedding trends, the fact of the matter is that you will be much better served by learning how to keep the love you feel on your wedding day just as strong in year ten as it was that day!

Staying happy in a relationship and feeling loving and satisfied for years and years can be tricky at best. Be very mindful and intentional about NOT getting sucked into the logistical ruts most couples fall into who is going to do what, when and how; rather than keeping those embers of intimacy and romance burning on and on.

Whether you are married for a few weeks or for a number of decades, declare the month of June to be Marriage Renewal Month; the month you will renew and revitalize your marriage; to reconnect to each other and recommit to whatever will nurture and support your life and your love-life for many more years.

Here are 3-Simple Steps to Renew Your Marriage this month:

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What to Say to Someone Who is Grieving

What do you say to someone whose life comes crashing down around him or her; whose life, as they knew it, is forever and profoundly changed?

The first thing to really recognize is that when someone experiences the death of a loved one, the loss is so pervasive, the pain so excruciating, that there are no words that will be particularly helpful or meaningful to hear.

You see, grieving is a wholly feeling experience. The intellectual recognition that someone has died is present inside us immediately, and is very different from the emotional recognition that someone has died; really getting that you will never see his face again; never hear her voice again; never be able to throw your arms around each other and share a bear hug.

The emotional recognition is a normal, natural and necessary process we call grieving.

Recognize that people who are grieving the loss of a loved one – even the death of an elderly person who had a good life and whose death was expected – are experiencing something that is incomprehensible. Inexplicable. Unimaginable. Inconsolable.

And in fact, sometimes people say the most stupid things to people who are grieving – even with the best of intentions.

Don’t Say This to a Grieving Person
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Spring Cleaning of Your Mind, Body and Soul

It’s that time of year again! Spring cleaning is the annual ritual of cleaning a house from top to bottom in the first warm days of the year—typically in the spring. Historically this was done in the spring as the cold weather was giving way to warmer temperatures, because, it was widely held, houses are more difficult to clean during winter.

The origins of spring cleaning probably date back to the Iranian Norouz, the Persian new year, which falls on the first day of spring. Iranians continue the practice of “khooneh takouni” which literally means “shaking the house” just before the new year. Everything in the house is thoroughly cleaned, from the drapes to the furniture.

Another possible origin of spring cleaning can be traced to the ancient Jewish practice of thoroughly cleansing the home in anticipation of the spring-time holiday of Passover. Observant Jews conduct a thorough cleaning of the house, followed by the traditional Passover festivities.

In Greece and other Orthodox nations, it is tradition to clean the house thoroughly either right before or during the first week of Great Lent, which is referred to as Clean Week.

During this spring-cleaning season, I invite you to join me and check out what’s dusty, out-dated, or has been over-looked within yourself. Let’s take a trip into your inner attic or basement; look around and decide what should be cleaned up, put away or tossed into the trash altogether.

Let’s start by identifying the 8 Major Life Categories that will form the framework of your spring cleaning efforts:  Continue reading

Self-Esteem is Created Consciously with Intention

Self-esteem is a term that many people toss around, and I bet that the vast majority of you don’t really understand what in the world Self esteem really means.

For a moment, I invite you to consider that Self-esteem–esteeming one’s Self–is really code for the conscious knowing that you are at choice every minute!

Self-esteem is your willingness and ability to honor your legitimate needs; to say your real “yes” and your real “no”; to set and maintain your boundaries; and to act on your own behalf.

Self esteem is the willingness and ability to positively impact, affect and influence people and events around you.

You have an inner guidance system that drives you and guides your choice-making whether you are aware of it or not. Your system includes:

  • Vision
  • Life-purpose
  • Mission
  • Needs/Values

Your Self-esteem is deeply informed by the level and the extent of your awareness of your inner guidance system, and your deliberate intention to live consciously and be at choice.

What so many people forget is that lasting happiness, peace of mind, deep and joyful love, abundance, physical and emotional health are created primarily through who you are being rather than what you are doing or having.

You create your life and your love life through your beliefs, intentions, and the actions you take in the world.

Let’s look at each of these separate yet inter-related parts of the four corners of your inner life:

1. Your Vision is your idea of the world you want to live in and be a part of; what you want your life to be.

When you think of your “vision,” think of your personal world of family and friends, your community, work and colleagues…everything in the world that touches you in some way every day and how you want that to be. Continue reading

Making Sense of the Dating Process

Dating is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end. Very importantly, the process is different depending on why you are dating.

If you are Dating to Find Your Ideal Partner, be crystal clear about it; the more you know what you want the more likely you will be successful finding your ideal partner.

If you are Dating For Friendship or to Create Social Opportunities take the time to find the right words to let the men or women you are dating know that is why you are dating; be clear about not being ready for a committed relationship.

Be a good observer of your feelings and behavior. Be willing to let the people you date experience you, in the places in which you are the most comfortable doing the things that you most love to do.

Stop Dead-end Dating

If your goal is to find your ideal partner, then stop dating the person you are dating as soon as you recognize that she or he is not your ideal match; don’t keep dating just because it is convenient. Approach dating as a process of discovery, realizing that the end of the process is discovering your ideal match; it will save you lots of wear and tear on your emotions.

Identifying Your Ideal Match

We create our life and our love life through our beliefs, intentions and the actions we take in the world. Vision, Needs/Values, Life Purpose and Mission are the four corners, the foundational pieces of each person’s inner life. Continue reading

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com