Whose Job Is It Anyway?

Accept that it’s your job to educate your partner about what makes you feel most loved.

Feeling loved, that is feeling respected, valued and celebrated, is the result of hearing your partner’s words and experiencing your partner’s actions consistently over time.

Feeling loved or happy or satisfied or competent is sourced by each of us inside ourselves.

Love is not a feeling you feel. It is the result of a combination of words and actions that you interpret to mean love.

It is our job to help our partners know what loving words and behaviors are to us. Don’t expect the man or woman who loves you to know what to do and say so that you feel loved. Let him or her know, specifically.

Some of us enjoy sending or receiving cards and flowers. Some appreciate behaviors like getting the car washed, taking the dog for a walk or initiating an evening out.

How do you like to be touched? Do you appreciate a bear hug? A gentle pat or soft kiss as your partner walks past? How do you express affection and sexual desire?

Do you let your partner know when s/he pleases or tickles you? Do you ask, in a very gentle and respectful way, for what you need and like?

Receiving and expressing touch, affection and desires of a sexual nature are very personal and as unique to you as your finger prints. It is our job to be as direct and candid as we can and really educate our partners about us and what we want/need and how to meet those legitimate needs.

What words resonate deep inside your heart? What behaviors tickle you or move you?

Take some time to deepen your awareness of what you need and want to hear and experience that means you are loved. Ask your partner these questions and become an expert on what makes him or her feel loved.

Until next time remember…

Only YOU can make it Happen!

Dr Jackie Black Newsletter


Hello. I am Dr. Jackie Black, your Couples in Trouble Expert. Since 1999, I have guided many formerly frustrated and desperately unhappy Couples in Trouble to happiness, closeness and having more fun together than they ever imagined. My years of experience combined with your commitment to your personal growth will enable you to welcome the results you have always wanted and never believed were possible in your marriage.

Learn more at DrJackieBlack.com