Compromising, not unlike setting boundaries, crafting agreements and honoring commitments, is an essential skill for successful dating relationships as well as long-term, primary love relationships.
During a recent TeleRoundtable Discussion I conducted, a gentleman from the UK asked this question: “On a scale of one to 10, how important is it to make compromises in a relationship?”
My answer: “On a scale of one to 10, the willingness and ability to compromise in a dating or long-term love relationship is a 10!”
Knowing how to compromise is absolutely vital to the health and well being of any relationship that you hope to last more than a blink of an eye.
It doesn’t matter how much you enjoy each other’s company; how much you love and adore each other; how great the sex is. Without the willingness and ability to skillfully compromise, your dating and committed relationship is at high risk for failure.
Would you be shocked to hear that many men and women avoid or dread the very notion of compromise? It is all too often likened to agreeing to be bludgeoned into something that is unpleasant or disagreeable.
In truth, making compromises is nothing of the sort!
What do you believe? What has been your experience with compromising and negotiating in relationships?
Have you suffered a loss or losses when you compromised with someone? Have you felt taken advantage of or wronged?
There are three basic attitudes that are essential to embrace and demonstrate when you engage in a conversation of compromise:
- Mutual respect
- Good will
- Good intention
Before you sit down to compromise with anyone about anything, create base-line agreements that each person will honor during the compromise conversation(s):
- It is unacceptable to both people that by nature of the compromise the other will experience a substantial loss.
- It is crucial to the success of the compromise event that each person trust that the other will not knowingly take advantage of him or her or otherwise knowingly harm him or her in any way.
- It is mutually agreed that each person commits to as close to a win/win outcome as is possible.
- Neither person will agree to a compromise if he or she thinks, feels or believes he or she cannot or will not be able to live with the compromise.
Be sure to add any other attitudes or agreements that will help you become willing and able to compromise.
Dating and committed relationships require participation and contribution that is conscious, active and from each person’s deepest place of integrity.
There is no room for fears or old behavior. No one has signed up to be in a relationship with an old, injured part of you!
Get to work! Become the full expression of your passionate, loving and enthusiastic self. Repair the disillusionment and disappointment from the past.
Become able and willing to be your best self in the present and act from your authentic, integrated adult. You’re worth it!
Remember, only YOU can make it Happen!
