Last week we established that we all have needs, and our needs are legitimate. You have learned that you can meet some of your needs yourself; however, you cannot necessarily meet all of them. Some of your needs can, and must, be met by others.

What about values?

Have you ever done something you didn’t want to do, just because someone else that you cared about wanted you to?

Think about what happened and how it made you feel afterward. What thoughts did you have? Do you remember having any body sensations? Maybe you felt a pain in your gut, your neck hurt or you felt plain sad?

It’s surprising how someone that you care about can influence you to do things that “go against the grain.” Initially, you may do things to make that person happy, because you care, but if you find yourself taking actions that are opposed to your values, you will eventually begin to resent this. I’m sure you can imagine what effect this will have on your relationship.

Values in contrast to needs are almost always internally related. Values cannot be met, so to speak, by another person or by external environments or events changing. This is an important distinction between needs and values.

When you commit to a value and act according to that value, you take on a new energy, which, in turn, attracts great success, achievement and personal happiness. You live by your values. Values drive behavior. Values drive all your choices and all your decision-making.

Every time you fail to do what you know is right for you, that which you hold as a value, you lessen your own certainty and ability to create meaningful relationships. You will also find it hard to do work that engages your spirit and your heart. This will, therefore, make it much harder for you live a happy life.

Each time you compromise to be agreeable you give up some of your freedom and you lose some of your vitality.

Next week, your Vision takes you to your destination

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
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