“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
–Margaret Young
We live in a contemporary society that often ignores the value and importance of B-E-I-N-G.
June is known as the wedding month in the US and in many other countries around the world.
If you are a soon-to-be-married couple, I vigorously encourage you to spend much more time focusing on how to co-create a strong and lasting marriage than you do on your wedding plans. Once all the food is eaten and the guests have gone home the wedding will be over. But your married life will just be starting and you are in charge of how happy and satisfied you will be for the rest of your life.
While the Huffington Post reports that getting spicy and adding the element of surprise are hot wedding trends for 2014, the fact of the matter is that you will be much better served by learning how to keep the love you feel on your wedding day just as strong in year #10 as it was that day!
Staying happy in a relationship and feeling loving and satisfied for years and years can be tricky at best. Be very mindful and intentional about NOT getting sucked into the logistical ruts most couples fall into who is going to do what, when and how; rather than keeping those embers of intimacy and romance burning on and on.
Whether you are married for a few weeks or for a number of decades, declare the month of June to be Marriage Renewal Month; the month you will renew and revitalize your marriage; to reconnect to each other and recommit to whatever will nurture and support your life and your love-life for many more years.
Here are 3-Simple Steps to Renew Your Marriage this month:
#1: Make Time to Connect
Decide on a specific time and a specific place (it can be a room in your house) to sit together and just BE for a few minutes (it can be as little as 6 minutes). No problem solving or multi-tasking permitted. Make sure you are touching in some way: link little fingers, sit side-by-side so your shoulders are just barely touching, or sit face to face so your knees are touching. The most gentle touch can be transforming, especially if it has been a long time since you last really connected with each other.
#2: Remember What Used To Be Fun and Go Do It
Think back to when you first started dating. What did you enjoy about being together? What activities did you both enjoy doing that you no longer make time to do? If you asked yourself or your partner right this minute why you fell in love in the first place, how would you answer? “Both partners must carve out quality, alone-time together every week, take responsibility for it, and ensure nothing gets in the way of planned time together.
#3: Find Out What’s New With Your Partner
When you’ve been married for a while, you think you know everything there is to know about your partner. You would be mistaken. Let your curiosity about what’s new for you and what’s new for your partner rise up and take the time to inquire within together! Resist commenting, questioning, judging or otherwise engaging your partner in the details of their sharing what’s new. Let the knowing of what’s new be the rich result and the special gift of your inquiry.
If you really want to stretch, consider creating a ritual and celebrate one event or experience of giving or receiving love or appreciation during this month of renewing your marriage, and do it every week for the next 4 weeks.
What you choose to celebrate together is less important than the act of celebrating! When you get in the habit of experiencing the richness in your life and creating celebrations and rituals to mark those events and experiences, your life and your love life will be transformed forever!
Try it. It’s worth it.
Remember, only YOU can make it happen!
Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
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