Below is a scenario that was presented during a call-in question and answer period of a recent radio interview. I’m sure this isn’t the only couple with this question; so I thought I would share my answer in an article.
Ask Dr. Jackie:
My wife and I have been married for 6 years. In the beginning, we would have sex once a day, and now we have sex about 3 or 4 times a week. While I am happy with this situation, my wife is constantly coming on to me, begging me to sleep with her all the time. I feel like I just can’t keep up. I’m stressed about work and the bills, and all she wants is sex. I love her, and the sex is great; but there’s more to life than just sex.
Are we doomed to have a life of sexual difference? Is there some kind of median we can reach here? I don’t want her to cheat on me, but I just can’t give her sex every single day anymore. I deeply appreciate any advice you can provide to help us resolve this situation.
Dr. Jackie Answers:
The kind of sexual activity your wife is craving may very likely have less to do with creating a deep, intimate sexual connection with you and a sexual expression of her love for you than it might appear on the surface. This does not sound like a difference in sexual appetite. There are all kinds of reasons that people want, or need, to engage in excessive sexual behavior; and many of them are actually unhealthy. You are quite correct to say that there is more to life than just sex, especially for conscious adults who are intentional about building and maintaining a lasting, conscious relationship.
- Besides sex, in what other ways do you and your wife connect deeply and emotionally with each other?
- How much cozy time do you spend together?
- Do you enjoy just being with each other in each other’s company?
- How often do you carve out Couple time to enjoy each other without doing anything else?
I think the answers to these questions will shine a light on some of the problem areas in your relationship that are causing your wife to want so much sex. It might be that sex is the only way she knows how to connect with you, or the only way she has been successful in connecting with you.
This is complex, and the sooner the two of you start talking to each other about these considerations the better.
Thank you for your question! I wish you all the best!
Remember, only YOU can make it happen.