Intimacy isn’t an automatic response. Intimacy isn’t a given because you love someone or feel loved by someone. Intimacy doesn’t come with a commitment or with a marriage license. The basic, fundamental element of intimacy is cherishing each other!

Creating, nurturing and maintaining intimacy in long-term, committed relationships is the toughest and the most worthwhile undertaking one can accomplish.

It requires intention, deliberate choice and deliberate action. Nothing about creating intimacy and truly being intimate with another person is unconscious. Closeness is enhanced through purposeful sensitivity, tenderness and respect for each other.

Intimacy is the result of celebrating each other; celebrating each other’s presence and celebrating being in each other’s presence!

  • Be appreciative
  • Offer acknowledgment
  • Give your partner the benefit of the doubt
  • Be the most ardent cheerleader
  • Be an enthusiastic supporter
  • Applaud your partner’s efforts
  • Extol his or her virtues
  • Be generous of spirit and open-hearted
  • Always remember to be encouraging

Sometimes the most loving couples have minor disagreements that can get out of hand very quickly or a simple conversation can suddenly turn into a shouting match.

Don’t let this normal and natural dynamic in your relationship derail the intimacy you are intentionally building.

Understand that this happens because your fear of being abandoned, or disappointing your partner makes itself the primary consideration in the conversation, especially when you are intentional about creating intimacy.

Hearing his opinion or point of view can trigger your feeling of being invalidated, and for many people, it’s a signal that ridicule, criticism or judgment is on the way!

Good communication is telling your truth about YOU and being congruent—within yourself.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
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