Stop holding on to anger and being afraid of love….
How to Recover From Post Divorce
Hurt and Anger So That You Can
Live the Life You Deserve
Join Dr. Jackie as she uncovers the secrets to long, lasting, healthy relationships, even after a traumatic divorce.
Are you frustrated with fear of dating?
Are you tired of holding on to the pain that your ex caused you?
Do you constantly reflect on the pain in your past relationship?
I know exactly how you feel. My story sounded just like that. Pain, frustration, doubt, helplessness… But it didn’t start out that way.
I had a fairy tale idea about love, soul mates, marriage….
I believed that loved conquered all.
The relationship was going to “work” at all costs…that was my goal.
Divorce was not an option.
I was willing to believe those things, even if everything else was less than ideal in the relationship.
That whole notion, EVERYTHING I truly believed in, was completely decimated when my marriage ended.
Sadly, I was under the impression that all problems are solvable and all relationships were always workable.
I believed that my intention to stay together was all it took.
I was completely broken
It ended, for many reasons….none of which I could have seen coming. None of which I could have fixed with my grand fairy tale plan.
I felt betrayed.
I was desperately disillusioned.
I was disappointed, in the greatest sense of the word.
The Institution of Marriage was sacred to me. Now it was just gone. An entire part of my life…one that defined me, had vanished. I was alone, broken, and had just given up on love.
I convinced myself that I didn’t need love…
I completely shut down the part of my life that involved letting anyone in for many, many years.
Alone…yep, that was me. And…that was okay. I was resigned to being alone.
Not only did I convince myself that it was fine to be alone, I told myself (and I think I believed) that it was my preference.
It was a downward spiral of loneliness.
I shut out any opportunities to meet “Mr. Right”. I was certain that he didn’t exist anyway. That ship had sailed long ago. That was not an option anymore.
I locked myself up in my work…
My life became about serving others and making money (really trying to recover financially from the huge hit I took in the divorce).
I was working countless hours. Defining myself as a professional, not as a wife/partner, my agenda was set. Determined to make more out of my business that I ever dreamed possible, I became a workaholic.
I was never going to be hurt again, never going to be venerable where money was concerned! And certainly NEVER going to care for anyone more than they cared for me.
I realized we were never a perfect match for each other anyway. Too bad there wasn’t a magic formula to know WHO your Prince Charming really is…
Then it dawned on me…DUH!
I am a psychologist! I understand all about emotions, triggers, bad behaviors when humans react rather than chose to be proactive! My sub-specialty was Grief and Loss. I had been through a major loss-event. Divorce is a traumatic loss.
I knew exactly where things went wrong. I, of course, had been analyzing myself, my husband and my marriage for years. I knew the red flags that I should have paid attention….even the first time I met my Ex. I was so disillusioned by the fairy tale that I was wearing blinders. I didn’t want to see that he was not the one for me.
How did I not see this? It CLICKED! I knew what to do…I could use my own feelings of hurt, disappointment and betrayal, and add my experiences of my own healing with the repair process I had been using with my clients for many years! I could create strategies and tools to help people heal from the excruciating loss of a relationship, find their ideal match, and build the life and the love-life the wanted and deserved!
I took rich information from my training and education, everything that I knew about my relationship wins, challenges and losses; and everything I had been privileged to learn working with my amazing clients and workshop participants and their relationship wins, challenges and losses and developed a system to insure successful, happy and lasting relationships. Blood, sweat and tears turned me on to the magic formula.
I wrote my first book, Meeting Your Match: Cracking The Code to Successful Relationships, that teaches you how to date smart, develop the self-awareness and intimacy skills necessary to build a successful, rewarding relationship that will last a lifetime, and actually divorce-proof your marriage when you meet Mr. Right.
I started finding myself again. I wasn’t quite ready to put myself out there, but I had opened myself up to the possibility of love. I just knew I had to do it differently this time.
Once I was ready to be “on the market” again, I knew I was going to really DATE SMART; really get to know HIM; and really be certain of MYSELF before making the choice to be open to intimacy and become vulnerable again.
As I got myself “together,” I continued working one-on-one with clients who were fresh out of divorce. It pained me to hear their stories….
I felt for my clients, I knew their struggles…I also knew that I could help them get through it.
It happened without me knowing…
I joined a golf club that was 50% golf and 50% social. I pretty much avoided the social…or only tolerated it in small amounts.
One October, a girlfriend talked me into going to one of the social events. It was a Halloween party and I really couldn’t tell her no. But I knew that I wouldn’t stay long…
I arrived on time (which is not the norm for this group…they were always late). I figured if I got there on time, I could leave early without being noticed.
So, after what I thought was long enough and as the room started to fill up, I decided to make my way to the door for my get-away. Much to my surprise, this little voice in my head – my beloved Grandmother – said “No ma’am, you haven’t been here long enough”.
I later remembered that a wonderful friend used to say, “It’s NOT your job to look for love; It’s your job is to be open hearted and allow love to come in when love appears. ”.
So without realizing, I had meandered back into the crowd…this meandering would be the beginning of many things…
I was ready and didn’t even know it!
Meanwhile, I hadn’t noticed that this tall stranger had walked over to me and started talking. I thought it still might be the voice in my head…but once I turned to see him – my heart felt warm….a little anyway.
Mark had been invited to the party by a member of the golf club. I had not met him before, but he was compelling to me. And I instantly and without conscious awareness let down my guard.
But I wasn’t stupid!
I immediately started reminding myself about the dating strategies I developed and believed in. I was going to Date Smart this time and use the tools and strategies that I understood would ensure relationship success: I would either come to understand that this man was NOT my ideal match or that he was my ideal match!
Either way, Dating Smart was the only game in town. I was supporting my single and divorced clients all over the world to follow the principles I finally understood would lead to making the right partner choice and building and maintaining a healthy, happy relationship for the long-term; and I was determined to take my own advice.
So I sat and listened … and chatted for a while with Mark. THEN…he asked for my number.
All I could manage to say was “I’m in the book. If you want to call, look me up”. I knew that he wouldn’t.
But he did. The next Saturday night.
The phone rang. Thank goodness for Caller Id! I missed the call. Yikes!
I missed the call…and then I paced the floor…” should I call him back?”
After I had worn a faded spot in the rug…I decided, “Why not!”
I phoned him back and we had a warm, wonderful conversation.
Then, I heard him say “When can I see you next?”
GULP! Where is this going? This is going really fast. So after our next “Date” I told him that we had to slow down, take a breath… and go by the book – the book I wrote and had vigorously encouraged my clients to use to guide them on this path we call dating. It’s very much like a “date by checklist”. I understood that if he agreed to date this way then we had a wonderful chance to really find out if we were well-suited to be a couple for life.. And surprisingly, Mark said “Okay!”
I wrote Meeting Your Match: Cracking the code to successful relationships based on my years of training, many years of experience with clients and my own personal experiences. Everything I believed about love relationships plus everything I understood about being ready for love and commitment, plus a deeply rooted understanding that Love Is NOT Enough, plus a recognition that a lasting, happy relationships requires that the partners become emotionally intelligent, and learn, practice and master the Essential Relationship Success Skills were validated by my relationship with Mark.
Mark was the love of my life. We used to say that we waited our whole lives to meet each other.
He was everything I needed and wanted in a relationship and partnership. He was THE ONE.
We were married and had a beautiful life together, until he passed away of cancer a few years ago. Although the grief was devastating, I have learned to live without him … and I will always cherish the years we had together.
Through my own personal journey, I discovered the secrets to healing from the devastation of
divorce and learning to be available for your soul mate, Now I am
sharing these secrets with you, so that you can have the life and the love-life you deserve.
What I discovered late in the process of grieving the loss of my own marriage is that there is a much easier and healthier way. Sure, you can take years filled with of pain, angst, self-deprivation….like I did. OR you can cut to the chase and surround yourself with the support of a group of like-minded women who know what it feels like to be in your shoes, facilitated by someone who can help you get to that place of peace and readiness.
Divorce is a massive loss event.
It’s a traumatic event that can leave you feeling alone and helpless. There is no way around that.
BUT, there is a much easier way to grieve, so that you can quickly recover from the emotional rupture.
You deserve to move forward.
You deserve to be loved.
You are worthy of respect and self-esteem.
You are worth it, you are a survivor and a thriver.
You can’t do it alone, you need to lean on someone.
“Dr. Jackie skillfully guided me through the agony of a divorce I didn’t want and was powerless to stop. She helped me understand that my divorce was a huge loss event and that everything I was feeling was normal. I am so thankful that she recognized that I had to regain my center inside myself before I could really know what I wanted and before I began doing anything outside in the world” K.M. 56, Left for a younger version of myself and devastated until I worked with Dr. Jackie on building a successful life and love life after divorce.
Here is how the program works:
I am accepting a limited number of people under my wing in my very private, personal and powerful Mastermind Group, “Create a Successful Relationship Post-Divorce”.
This Mastermind Group will be very small so I can provide lots of individual support to every Mastermind Group member during every group.
New Mastermind Groups are forming every month. After you register for “Create a Successful Relationship Post-Divorce” Mastermind Group, we will send you the next three start dates so you can select the start date that matches your availability. Once your Mastermind Group has been filled we’ll begin our work together!
In my program “Create a Successful Relationship
Post-Divorce Mastermind Group”, you will learn:
->Your legitimate needs and wants
->Limits that you have … and you will own, and be proud of them
->To easily sort the RIGHT guy from the nice guy
->Your blueprint of your ideal partner
->Who you are and HOW you are as a partner
->Who you want to be as a couple
“After my divorce I thought the better part of my life was over and that I would never be able to trust anyone ever again, or even want to. You were completely non-judgmental and never pushed me to do more or go faster. I had been to other coaches who seemed to have a “program” or an “agenda” for me, and I just wanted to get through the pain and confusion my own way. You are the best life guide and mentor in the world. Thank you for showing me the way back to me!” B.T., 47, Divorced and certain I have the skills and tools to build a happy marriage post divorce!
Here is what you are going to get when you sign up for this Mastermind program:
- THREE 75-minute group calls each month.
- A copy of my book, “Meeting Your Match: Cracking The Code to Successful Relationships” Book.
- My monthly Relationship Tip Sheet.
- A personal invitation to meet me in person at on-site retreats in your area.
This is what I promise you to give you:
- An opportunity to work on these issues and challenges regularly at a v-e-r-y affordable fee!
- A chance to participate with several other individuals in a group setting that is specifically structured around deepening Self-knowledge, identifying what you are looking for in a partner; and learning, practicing and mastering the essential relationship success skills.
- Individual coaching from me during every session.
- You will benefit exponentially from the work, successes and challenges of the other group participants.
- You will experience how powerful it is to talk about the deeply meaningful challenges you face in your life with others who are facing similar challenges.
- Your personal growth will be accelerated by the support and alliances between like-minded individuals.
During this Mastermind program you will learn to:
- Date with awareness
- Be confident in your ability to select the right partner
- Use foundational skills to build a lasting relationship
- Heal the wounds of the past
- Step out into the dating world without the angst, frustration, and disappointment that you have been holding on to for a long time
- Let go of the anger
- Free and open your heart to love
Don’t take my word for it.
Here is what past members have had to say:
“Thank you, Dr. Jackie, for helping me find myself. I divorced my husband of many years and even though it was the right thing to do for many reasons, it was the hardest and scariest thing I have ever done. And I was mad and hurt and bitter and sad all at the same time. My work with you helped me learn that divorce is a loss event and even though I initiated the divorce I was still entitled to be mad, hurt, bitter and sad. Wow, that was a turning point for me in my life and in my healing. I am happy to report that I am dating “smart” and with intention! I am ready to be me, and to attract someone who sees me, values and me and appreciates me! Terrific things happen every day in many ways!” R.L., 48, Divorced, dating “smart” and living the rest of my life fully and richly.
“I am very AWAKE now. It is sort of like wearing a pair of sunglasses and seeing vibrant colors for the first time. I finally get it!” K.D., 34, Successful corporate woman, now on track following her divorce to finding her ideal match.
“Thanks for teaching me about feeling my deepest pain in order to feel my deepest joy.” T.R., 57, Divorced, in transition.
All of those feelings, wounds, and anger that you are experiencing right now don’t have to be part of your life.
You don’t have to be defined as one of the walking wounded.
You have the power to be a rejuvenated and healed woman with the strength to move forward in any relationship, while knowing you are whole again.
Don’t let another day pass by with anger as your leading emotion.
Take this opportunity and get the information and resources that you need to move on.
You deserve happiness.
You deserve to be loved…
Let me help you in your journey to be YOU.
Remember, Only YOU can make it happen!
All My Best,
P.S. This personal opportunity is VERY Limited. I can only take a limited number in this Mastermind Group, because I am committed to keeping it very small and very personal. So be sure to sign up today.
P.P.S. Remember, I am offering you a full money back guarantee. If you find that this is not for you, just email me within 30 days and I will refund your money. No questions asked.
Jackie Black, Ph.D. transitioned from counseling into coaching in 2000. Dr. Jackie completed her Certified Coach Training at Coach Training Alliance, completed additional coach training at the Institute for Life Coach Training, and then received her highly specialized relationship coach training at the Relationship Coaching Institute in Singles and Couples Coaching. She is the author of the Cracking the Code Book Series of relationship books. Dr. Jackie’s education and training provide her with the tools and techniques; her life experience provides her with understanding and empathy. Your motivation provides the energy so that in Relationship Coaching Groups you and Dr. Jackie create a coaching relationship which is the seat of self-discovery and sustainable action for you; the place where your biggest dreams and deepest desires can come true.
“Dr. Jackie and her approach to Relationship Coaching helped me find peace of mind and self-awareness as well as the insight and confidence to continue to put myself out there as a divorced woman, and create the life and love life that really matches for me. It’s hard to believe that when I first started working with Dr. Jackie I had no idea of who I was, what my values were, what my legitimate needs were. Dr. Jackie says, “Love is NOT enough!” Boy is she right! The things I needed to know and to do differently were a total mystery to me. Thank you, Dr Jackie, for teaching me the Essential Relationship Success Skills! I am committed to practicing them and mastering them so I can ensure that I build a successful relationship next time” D.N., 40, Just divorced and confident I can create a happy and lasting relationship.