Do you have specific ideas about the man or woman of your dream: body type, personality qualities, things you want to have in common?

Are you someone who dates a man or a woman for six months or so, then gets bored and ends the relationship? Or do you get into relationships you don’t really mean to get into, become bothered and annoyed by personality quirks that didn’t bother you in the beginning, and then wind up leaving after two or three years?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are very definitely not alone.

Your idea of “Mr./Ms. You Could Be Good Enough” deserves your full attention.

All too often there are many stark differences between the ideals you hold in your thoughts or fantasies, and the actual men and women you date or have married.

Take some time and examine your ideas about your ideal mate. Give strong consideration to the values, style, and temperament that would best suit you.

Perhaps well-intentioned, loving people have told you that you can’t have it all; that you have to compromise and are lucky to have what you have. Or maybe, fear grips you and you think you are too picky or demanding and your ideal Sweetheart doesn’t even exist.

Resist accepting this kind of limiting thinking.

Take a moment: Think about the man or woman you are currently dating or have dated recently.

  1. What particular qualities or personality traits are (were) missing?
  2. When did you know that this individual didn’t match your ideal?
  3. Did you make (are you currently making) decisions and choices based on old, outdated beliefs?
  4. If you are, why are you still dating him/her?

Remember, every relationship goes through several predictable and often overlapping stages of growth: early stages which include falling in love and the honeymoon period; middle stages which include periods of adjustment and periods of eruption; and later stages which include the period of renewal, period of commitment and growth, and the second honeymoon.

Frequently people move in and out of the early and middle stages without even recognizing it.

If you are dating to find a mate, ensure that you create a relationship that can last the test of time by spending time with the men and women who match more of your ideals than not.

Trust that you can have what you need and want.

Don’t give in, give up, settle for less and never compromise your deepest hopes and dreams about your life and your life partner.

When you make choices that affirm and esteem your best and most brilliant, passionate Self, you handle the stages of relationship growth with love, respect, and courage.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
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