It is a real pleasure to introduce Bob A. Prentiss, JD, MS, DTM, as Ask Dr. Jackie’s first guest blogger. I hope you enjoy his thoughts on achieving a healthy relationship through self-motivation and turning dreams into reality. Bob is committed to ongoing professional and personal development; and he shows you how to motivate yourself in easy to understand, easy to implement steps.
In his own words: I am a lawyer, and an author and trainer. I got my bachelors from UC Berkeley, my JD from University of San Francisco, and my Masters of Education (Instructional Design) from Florida State University. In my workshops I teach self-motivation, and I also teach public speaking.
My book, iMotivateMe: Take Control of Your Motivation to Reach Your Goals and Achieve Your Dreams, will be available for sale this Fall. Meanwhile you can learn the easy to learn skill of motivating yourself with the Model for Self-Motivation, by visiting my web site, where you can read my Blog and sign up for a free monthly self-motivation newsletter.
Getting Motivated to Achieve
That Healthy Relationship
Motivation is what gets us moving. We can have a strong desire for something, like a healthy relationship, but without motivation, a strong desire is nothing more than a dream. A strong desire is certainly necessary if we want to build that healthy relationship; but, by itself, it is not enough.
So if you find that you truly want a healthy relationship, but you aren’t consistently taking the steps you know you need to take to make it happen, you need to find what else you can do to increase your motivation, so you will take those steps.
There are three things or factors that impact your motivation. A strong desire is one of them; but there are two additional things that affect it. The second factor is your confidence in your ability to make that desire come true. The third factor is your environment.
Here are some things you do to make these two additional factors increase your motivation so that you will take the steps necessary to build that healthy relationship.
Confidence: When we don’t feel confident in our ability to make something happen, we are not motivated to go after it. Why would we be? We’d feel like we were wasting our time.
So if you are confident, that is great. But don’t worry if you aren’t confident. There are steps you can take to increase your confidence. One of the most important steps you can take is to get clarity. Clarity is motivating; confusion robs you of your motivation.
Clarity means figuring out exactly what you mean by a “healthy relationship.” Does it mean a partner who respects you? Does it mean a partner with whom you are comfortable? Does it mean a partner with whom you do things, sharing time and energy?
Clarity also means figuring out exactly what steps you need to take to make a healthy relationship manifest in your life.
The time you spend getting clear on these two issues will be time well spent.
Environment: When we talk about motivation, the term environment includes your physical environment, the place where you will do the work on making your dream come true, and your social environment, the people and organizations that surround you and are available to you. Both of these environments will impact how motivated you are to work on building a healthy relationship.
Your physical environment will include the places you go to meet people. There are many options, but to name just a few, there are places of worship, bars, and my favorite—supermarkets. Some places work great for certain people; other places work better for others. Find out what works best for you. Where are you comfortable going? Where would you find your ideal partner?
Your social environment includes your friends, your family members, people you work with. Enlist these people in your search for an ideal relationship. Though we all have friends who just love setting up their single friends, there are many people who are not so outgoing with their matchmaking, and need to know that you are open to meeting people whom they feel would be a healthy match for you. But be selective; ask why they feel this person would be ideal for you. “Because he’s single,” is not enough of a reason.
Social environment is more than just the people in your life; it’s also the organizations. There are many organizations that exist primarily as a means for people meeting people. Certainly you should explore these options. But don’t ignore organizations that exist for other means. Join organizations that match your likes and interests. You are likely to meet people in these organizations who have similar likes and interests.
Getting motivated to do the work necessary to build a healthy relationship takes more than just the strong desire to have one. It takes thought, and it takes planning.
By taking charge of your motivation, you will take the steps you need to take to make your dreams come true.
Bob A. Prentiss, JD, MS, DTM