…another in the series of Gardening Tips for Couples
“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” —Margaret Young
We live in a contemporary society that values high-tech, the faster the better, and product stream; how fast can I make my widget? How many can I sell? How much can I sell them for?
It’s time to stop, look and listen:
- Stop doing and start being
- Look inside instead of outside of yourself
- Listen to your inner voices in addition to your “head”
Common Rituals and Celebrations
Rituals and celebrations are one way to intentionally create meaningful connections with special and important events and people. Many people already celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.
Here are some common rituals and celebrations you might not recognize as such:
- Bachelor / Bachelorette Parties
- Bon Voyage Parties
- Promotion / Retirement
- Bridal and Baby Showers
- Wrap Parties in the Entertainment Industry
- Funerals, Memorials, Celebrations of Life
- Throwing coins in a fountain
- Placing an extra candle on a birthday cake
- Bride and Groom feeding each other cake
- Sending cards to remember special occasions
You Can Create Easy Couple Romance Rituals
Celebrations and rituals do not have to be involved, complicated or expensive. It is the simple act of honoring your love and the caring you feel for your partner with your intention and attention.
Your Romance Ritual is something you decide on together; some specific behavior –something that you do with or say to the other, intentionally; and make an important part of your established routine. If you take the time and the effort to create your Romance Ritual and include it in your routines with each other, you will notice a marked increase in good will, less conflict and hurt feelings, and much more intimacy!
If this is something you’d like to try, finding your perfect Romance Ritual should be easy.
Sit down with each other and make a list as fast as you can in 12 minutes. Write down everything you can think of that you love and appreciate and that your partner loves and appreciates. At the end of 12 minutes, compare your lists and Voila! You will easily have three or four Romance Rituals to use and interchange for years to come.
If you really want to stretch yourself and affair-proof and divorce-proof your marriage, create everyday Romance Rituals; weekly Romance Rituals; morning Romance Rituals and bedtime Romance Rituals!
Your Romance Rituals can be as simple as lighting a candle and saying thank your for three special ways you love and cherish your partner or feel gratitude for feeling loved and cared for by your partner. Or every time you walk past each other reach out for a brief moment in a very special way that your partner understands is your Romance Ritual.
The very act of bringing your attention to someone for whom you are grateful can heal deep hurts and serve as important reminders of what you value. Your options are truly endless!
Sound like overkill? Please understand that Love is NOT enough!
It takes your conscious and intentional time, attention and focus on your relationship and your Sweetheart to ensure that life, other people and events don’t negatively impact the life that you love with the love of your life!
Here is my coaching request: I invite each partner to create a special ritual to celebrate your partner every week for the next 4 weeks. Intentionally choosing to celebrate is very powerful!
When you get in the habit of experiencing the richness in your life and your love life, and you create celebrations and rituals to mark those events and celebrate people you love, your life will be transformed forever!
I invite you to allow these new ways to extend yourself to your partner and receive your partner and understand that you will be tending the rich soil in which love, intimacy and trust grow more and more deeply every day.
Try it. It’s worth it.
So until next time, Happy Gardening!
Remember, only YOU can make it happen!
Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC
www.DrJackieBlack.com ~ DrJackie@DrJackieBlack.com
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