Coupleship is a way to perceive and structure a long-term, primary monogamous relationship.

Here are several essential concepts to understand and embrace:

Concept #1:

The basic attitudes of Coupleship are:

  • Mutual and Reciprocal Respect
  • Mutual and Reciprocal Encouragement
  • Mutual and Reciprocal Affirmation
  • Ability to Offer an Apology
  • Ability to Receive an Apology
  • Learn and Practice Feeling Vocabulary

Concept #2:

Your relationship is based on your good will and good intentions.

In a healthy Coupleship, your fundamental beliefs about yourself and your partner are:

  • I am involved and invested in your present and your future.
  • I value and respect you.
  • I honor and support your feelings as if they were my own!

Concept #3:

Coupleship readiness requires two whole (independent) people committed to working together and being focused on being inter-dependent.

Please notice, I didn’t say being dependent or independent!  Neither dependence nor independence is a particularly valuable way of being together with someone when you are building a co-created, mutual, reciprocal relationship or Coupleship.

In order to be inter-dependent in your Coupleship, you must first develop Personal Independence in these four basic ways.

  1. Emotional Independence—Each partner takes responsibility for his or her own feelings
  2. Social Independence—Each partner has the capacity to make and maintain friends
  3. Physical Independence—Each partner takes responsibility for taking good care of his or her own body including weight, exercise and personal hygiene
  4. Financial Independence—Each partner contributes financially or “in-kind” to the Coupleship

After you learn and practice Personal Independence you can bring those skills to your Coupleship and become Inter-dependent with another person who has also learned and practiced Personal Independence.

Next time we’ll explore more about Inter-dependence and the concepts of Values, Style and Temperament in your Coupleship.

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


Original Content by Jackie Black, Ph.D., BCC ~
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