The dating process is one of the most universally perplexing processes.  The art and act of dating confounds even the most resolute of people dating.  Dating requires that you be forthcoming, take some risks, become a good observer and listener, and trust and act on your observations and intuitions.

One essential reason to become a good observer is to be able to recognize unacceptable behavior and stop dating someone ASAP.  Dating is a process and part of the process is to be an active participant and to be proactive in your decision-making and choices.

Don’t let dating just happen to you.

Recently a friend of mine canceled a mid-week dinner date with a man she had been dating a few weeks.  When she called him (the morning before the scheduled date) he wasn’t home so she left a message on his answering machine explaining that she had a business conflict and look forward to seeing him soon.

She returned home later that evening to find a message on her machine in which he made accusations, called her names, and hung up abruptly.  When she called him to talk about his unacceptable message he was remorseful and apologetic.  He said canceling dinner hurt his feelings, and when he called to see if she was all right and she wasn’t home, he became worried.

My friend observed how this man behaves when his feelings are hurt and he is worried.  She believed what he told her about himself and had the courage to stop dating him because his behaviors are not behaviors that match her value for being treated with kindness and respect by people she invites into her world.

I can already hear some of you groaning and saying, "But this was only one experience…"

For all of you who are giving this man the benefit of the doubt, I invite you to review your own relationship histories.

  • When did you know what you didn’t want to know, that ultimately caused you or a partner to end a relationship?
  • Don’t think that just because you are dating someone you have to accept all of their idiosyncrasies, quirks, and behaviors.
  • You are involved in a process that should result in you being able to create a life-long, love relationship in which you feel loved, respected, cherished, and experience deep passion and joy.
  • Accepting someone’s bad behavior, no matter what the reason, is not part of the process.

People tell us about themselves from the very beginning.  Have the willingness and courage to hear them accurately and believe them!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!


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